SPOILER ALERT - Takes you to the end of Series 3
DISCLAIMERS: Bad Girls and all its characters are property of Shed Productions. The author implies no ownership of these characters, and they are used in the stories without permission solely for entertainment and not for profit.
NOTE: This is my take on Helen's thought process from dinner with Thomas to standing outside with Nikki.
“I’ve been hurt before by someone who was not honest with me…but, you, Helen, you’re not even being honest with yourself.”
I cannot believe he just walked out like that. What does he mean, I’m not being honest…I’ve totally been honest with myself. I understand that I had feelings…real feelings for Nikki, for a woman…I get that…I know that I cannot rule out a relationship with a woman as a possibility in the future, but I really like Thomas…I really do…and we get on really well together.
I know I have a fear of being different, of standing out, and that I need structure in my life, but that’s not being dishonest, that’s just making a choice that I have the right to make… don’t I?
I need to get out of this restaurant…I need to think.
Walking into my house, I am unsettled. She was here not so long ago and I still feel her presence.
I can also still feel that first kiss. It was unexpected… or was it? I think I wanted her to kiss me, I just did not expect the immediate explosion of emotion and overpowering desire that stemmed from it. I felt her lips on mine…they were on fire. I felt that kiss to the depths of my being and all things were made clear in that instant… my lack of passion for Sean, or with any man I had ever been with… my fear of intimacy… It all made sense and I was terrified. So, I ran. But I can still feel her lips on mine.
“I’m not your jailer anymore…”
What purity in that kiss which I initiated. I just wanted to show her how I felt and this physical expression was the only tool I had. I knew of no other way. And I wanted her lips on mine once again. The feeling of falling, yet being held up, were both wrapped up in that kiss. Such confusion, yet such sweetness.
“Tell me you love me”
I can recall that moment with such clarity. My heart was in my throat. I’ve never felt such pain and joy at once. I wanted to fall into her arms and never leave. Of course, I loved her.
But I had a duty as well. She was a convicted criminal. She had to go through the proper channels for her appeal to succeed. Being here could have jeopardized everything…her freedom, justice, our life together.
My God, is that what I really want? A life with this woman who can so easily frustrate me. But was that frustration caused by her words or actions or by my own inner turmoil. I don’t know how to figure this out. I don’t have the ability to look within. I have always relied on my training and knowledge and things made sense. But to rely on some instinct that goes against all I’ve become comfortable with…how do I do that?
“If I didn’t feel the way I feel…”
That was the only time I was really able to talk about this new turn my life has taken. I wish I had had someone to talk to…someone other than Nikki, because we never had the kind of time together that it would have taken for me to ask all the questions I had. I had so much confusion and fear and no answers to my questions. How did other people deal with this? How do you get rid of the doubt? Maybe I would not have run so fast when the going got tough, if I had understood myself and this life I was living a little better.
“You risked a career you loved to be with her”
I told her I would risk everything to be with her after I finally told her I loved her. Why did it take me so long? Maybe because once I said those words, I could never go back to denial. But Thomas saw it clearly, more clearly than even I do now. My career defined me and made some sense out of my life. Coming to the realization that I could want a woman with such intensity, has shaken it all up for me.
So why am I sitting here and dwelling on this break-up with Thomas? Didn’t he just do me a favor? Didn’t I just get freed to love the person I’m meant to love? But, how do I do that now, after all the harsh words and recriminations and being let down and letting her down? Do I even deserve another chance? Look at how I disappointed her… all the things I said…how my fear caused me to lash out. Can I risk the possibility of being rejected? If I just leave it, this pain in my chest will go away and maybe I’ll never know. And maybe that uncertainty is all I can have. Maybe that one night was all I’m allowed because I cannot be true and honest. So I guess, Thomas was right after all. Damn him.
Tomorrow is the verdict on her appeal. I want to be there, but cannot bear to see her look away from me. I know Trish will be there. They are sure to reconcile. Nine years was a long time to be with someone and Nikki’s sure to have forgiven Trish for leaving. I have no right to be there. I left too.
And I have not been honest with myself or with her. She needs to know where I stand, if… if what? How do I tell her now that I love her, that I know that she is my destiny, that I realize that all my schoolgirl crushes on my teachers were real and not just a desire to be a strong woman like them when I grew up. I have always preferred the company of women, but I never cleared away the scales to see that I have always loved the women in my life a little too much. Like Claire. I guess I did have a crush on her at uni, and I knew she was gay, and that was no matter. I could have saved myself, and the men I dated lots of heartache, if I had realized then that I was a lesbian. Maybe I could not have handled it then though. Maybe some people are just supposed to be late bloomers. Okay, there’s some honesty… some self examination. I can do this.
“Tell me you love me”
Such an innocence and a certainty in that simple request. But, the words wouldn’t come out. I was overwhelmed by a physical attraction I had never even come close to feeling before. It took but a moment and a look into those golden eyes containing a love that was immovable and I forgot all else, except that a dream I never even knew I had was coming true. We kissed and began to undress each other and fell onto the couch. The next two hours are a blur. I know we ended up in my bed. I know we made love with such passion and tenderness and honesty that my heart breaks at the thought of never having that again. And I know that the night ended very badly. Who was I trying to protect? Myself? Or Nikki from me? She did not deserve this fear and doubt in her life. Is it doubt though, really? On some level I am so content being with her. Yet, we never had much time to share our thoughts and concerns. How do I determine that it’s real? I think I just know it is, but that the situation was so impossible that I couldn’t handle it. And she shouldn’t have to. I do love her in a way that you can only love your soul mate, your lover. Okay, that I know for sure. Is it enough?
“Nicola Wade, you are free to go”
I wish I could have been there to hear those words. But sitting in this bar in the middle of the day waiting on any news of the trial is hard enough. Knowing she’s fighting for her life breaks my heart and I’m there with her in spirit fighting just as hard. I hope it’s enough. I have not prayed much lately. My faith used to be a source of comfort, despite my father’s role in getting me to church. My faith was my own. But I find myself in silent prayer now. “Lord, let this be your will… let her be freed…let her still love me. I know you brought us together and we mucked it up all along the way, but if we get another chance, I promise I will love and cherish her forever.”
The news is on and SHE’S FREE! God, she looks beautiful! I feel my eyes brim with tears and my heart swell with pride at her words. At Nikki on her soapbox, at her abundance of love in taking a moment to let me know she forgives me.
But does she still want me? What should I do? Do I go to her now? Will she welcome me or reject me? I have to know, if I’m being honest, right?
“How did you find out I was here?”
Why am I so nervous? She’s a foot away and I’m acting like a total prat. My smile hurts, it’s so forced.
“I’d never have done it without you, Helen.”
“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”
Finally, the right words form in my mouth. Here’s my chance, she’s invited me in.
“Nikki…”
And as I see Trisha glaring at me, I know I’m too late. She’s starting a new life with her. So I find a way to get out of the bar. I’m about to suffocate, but I keep my smile in place and say some polite words.
As the glare of the sun hits my eyes, I feel weak. Yet, I cannot make myself leave. Should I go back in and make a total fool of myself and ask for another chance? Should I stand here on the sidewalk hoping she comes after me? This can’t be it, can it?
As she flies out of the doorway, I am struck by how sexy she looks in her long coat… and I am hopeful. I get her attention. She’s polite and respectful, hesitant even, when all I want to do is grab her face and kiss those delicious lips. I have to tell her I know. I have to tell her I’m certain. I have to tell her I love her. She needs to know the doubt is gone.
“But I want a woman!”
I should say that I want her specifically, but I’m afraid of her response, so I go silent, waiting, hoping, praying. She looks away. Please, no! But when she speaks, relief floods my being. NOW, she wants to take things slowly. No way. I want all of her as fast as I can have her. Before kissing her, I say a prayer of thanks and look into her eyes, knowing I will be loved for the rest of my life and that I am free to love only her fully and honestly in return.
THE BEGINNING!
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Region Free DVD Players
I have discovered that all (as far as I can tell) Philips DVD players can be set to REGION FREE by following these steps:
1. Press Setup on your remote
2. Scroll to 'Preference' using the left/right arrow key
3. Press 138931 and a popup screen will appear
4. Use the arrow key and select '0'(you are now Region Free).
1. Press Setup on your remote
2. Scroll to 'Preference' using the left/right arrow key
3. Press 138931 and a popup screen will appear
4. Use the arrow key and select '0'(you are now Region Free).
FanFic-Inside Job (Rated NC-17)
Inside Job by late2theparty
NOTE: Complete short but sexy (meaning sex-y) fanfic about Helen & Nikki…Takes place in the middle of Season 2
Rated 18 (for adults only)
DISCLAIMERS: Bad Girls and all its characters are property of Shed Productions. The author implies no ownership of these characters, and they are used in the stories without permission solely for entertainment and not for profit.
__________________________
Nikki looked at Helen imagining her reading her “love note” in bed and blushed.
“Will you come back and see me tomorrow…same time?” she asked shyly.
“I’ll try, but with everyone still banged up, it may be difficult,” Helen answered.
“Barbara will be out making tea again, so we’ll have a moment alone.” Seeing Helen’s questioning look, she continued “don’t worry, I’m not gonna pounce on you…I just want to give you something.”
Karen Betts stepped through the door at that moment to apologize for not allowing a lifer’s meeting that day, so Helen could not inquire further. She just gave Nikki a nod and walked out. Hopefully, Karen did not notice the blush on her cheeks.
The next morning, Helen strolled onto the wing and popped her head into the PO’s office to let them know she had to give Nikki some news about her appeal.
“Where is everybody, Di?”
“Over at the officer’s club, since it’s so quiet here, having a mid-morning tea,” Di related with a wink.
“Okay, I won’t be long… oh, good morning, Barbara.”
“Morning Miss Stewart,” Babs replied.
“Take your time.” Di responded.
When Helen opened the door to Nikki’s cell, she was surprised to see the lifer propped up, yet still in bed. As she turned to close the door, she heard her say, “Stay right there. Don’t come any closer.”
Helen’s sharp intake of breath as she turned around, let Nikki know that she realized what her gift was going to be. She had one hand under the cover and one hand on her chest and her eyes locked with Helen’s as she began to move her covered hand in a rhythm, which matched Helen’s quickening heartbeat.
“Nikki!” Helen gasped. She felt faint as she watched the woman she loved touch herself. She could feel the heat rise on her cheeks…embarrassed and excited at the same time.
“Please stay there and block the door,” Nikki implored as her hand moved a bit quicker. “I want you to see what you do to me.”
Helen was frozen in place as her legs grew weak and Nikki’s breath became ragged. Nikki moved her other hand under her vest and began to circle and then squeeze an already swollen nipple. Her eyes never left Helen’s but the lids grew heavy with desire. She was having a hard time focusing, but could tell she was having a similar effect on Helen.
She quickened her tempo again and Helen had to grab the half wall to steady her self. She was completely mesmerized by the beautiful woman in front of her. “I want you,” she murmured as she began to move towards the bed.
“No… stop… risky,” Nikki mumbled with halting breath. “Please… stay there… let me look at you...” And as she said that, her body convulsed and she huskily whispered “Oh, god, Helen.” Helen just stopped and stared.
As the waves subsided, Nikki leaned forward, still watching Helen’s face, and slid a finger into herself, “I am soaking…you do that to me, you know…with just a look sometimes.”
Helen was so moved at the sight of Nikki’s flushed face and slowly thrusting hand, she was speechless. Nikki took that as a bad sign, stopped her movement, and looked near tears, as she begged, “Oh Helen, did I totally freak you out? I needed to show you how I feel... how you make me feel… I had no other way…” her voice trailed off and she lowered her eyes for the first time.
“No, Nikki, No…you misunderstand…you do the same to me, and all those things you said in your letter, I feel the same way. I want to touch you so badly right now, hold you, kiss you, but…”
Nikki leapt up, crossed the room in two strides and reached for Helen, but stopped short, unsure if she should continue. Helen grabbed her hand and moved it to her lips…kissing her palm and taking in the scent of Nikki Wade for the first time. “Oh, Nikki” she moaned, as a single tear slid down her face. “I love you.”
“I’m yours, dahlin’ don’t cry.” Nikki pulled Helen into her arms and held her tight.
“I’m just so overwhelmed, swee’heart” Helen murmured against her shoulder, “I don’t know how I can leave this room… leave you here each night… missing you… wanting you… needing you.”
“Just remember, I’m thinking of you at the same time and know that I love you with my whole being.” Nikki uncharacteristically gushed, as she cupped Helen’s chin, tilting it upwards, and leaned down to kiss her gently.
But, Helen, realizing for the first time that Nikki stood before her in just a thin vest and lace knickers, and that the PO’s were particularly lazy that day, wanted more. In one fluid movement, she spun Nikki around, pushed her against the door and slipped her hands under her top. Feeling the softness of another woman’s breasts for the first time made her feel faint again. She couldn’t believe how brazen she was being, but it felt right. She slowly moved her palms over Nikki’s erect nipples, before grabbing one between her thumb and forefinger, tugging slightly, all the while watching Nikki’s still-alarmed expression.
Gathering her senses, Nikki bent slightly at the waist and slid one hand up Helen’s skirt, quickly reaching her goal and causing Helen to jump.
“Nikki… no… stop… I don’t think I could handle that right now… I would never be able to leave… please just let me touch you, feel you... you are so beautiful.” Helen dipped her head down to take one of Nikki’s breasts in her mouth and circled her nipple with her tongue. Nikki moaned and grabbed Helen’s hand, guiding her fingers down to the lace panties. Looking into Helen’s eyes and receiving the affirmation she needed, she moved Helen’s fingers in a circular motion, pressing hard on her clit.
“I have never been so turned on in my life,” Helen whispered against Nikki’s breast, kissing her way back to Nikki’s mouth. As their tongues touched and teased, Nikki once again came with “Helen” on her lips.
-----------------------------
Helen practically stumbled out of the cell and looked around to make sure no one was watching her. She knew her face was flushed and anybody with an iota of sense would know what had just transpired. The coast was clear, but just. The PO’s were beginning to make their way back onto the wing. Fenner was sure to twig if she gave him any notice.
“Kin’ell, Stewart” she mumbled to herself as she hastily made her way back to the library to attempt to work. Thankfully, the room was empty and she could try and collect herself. What had she been thinking? Well, she hadn’t thought, of course. But she could have stopped Nikki, couldn’t she have? And did she have to attack her like that? Control over the situation was surely slipping from her grasp.
Concentration was impossible as the throbbing between her legs would not let up. She could never recall a single kiss or touch from a man that had caused such an acute and specific reaction. Just being near Nikki got her worked up. The smell of her, although tainted slightly with the odor of this place, was moving. Helen felt certain she would spontaneously combust if she were ever to be in a full on sexual situation with the tall, beautiful woman. Her heart rate quickened just at the thought of this mornings encounter and her imagination was stirred at the possibilities that loving a woman might open up.
She had had oral sex performed on her before, but in her experience, men just seemed to do it out of some sense of obligation or to show they were okay about it…not because they sincerely wanted to give you pleasure. What would it be like with Nikki? If kissing her was any indication, it would be bloody earth-shattering. That she knew.
Would she know what to do instinctively when (if?) she was ever in that situation with Nikki…where they would be able to express themselves completely? Helen’s hand had been on Nikki’s clit in her cell and although Nikki had guided her there, she knew intuitively what to do to please her. She could gauge by Nikki’s reaction just the right amount of pressure and tempo. The need to make her feel how much she loved her was overpowering at that moment and her efforts were rewarded with the huskily whispering of her own name in a voice that she would conjure in her dreams.
She reached down to touch her own breast, which Nikki had just fondled through her shirt moments ago. And she recalled the first bit of intimacy between them, when Nikki had grabbed her hand and forced Helen to touch her in the potting shed. It had frightened her to no end, but there was also a warmth that spread throughout her entire body at the touch. She called it “embarrassment” at the time, but she now knew its real name. Sexual desire. Pure and simple. Unlike anything she had ever felt before. It was so unfamiliar that she had to deny it meant anything. But as Nikki pushed and pushed, she could no longer fight her feelings and once they had kissed, well there was really no way to contain the sexual energy building between them. It had a life of its own and it grew just as steadily and strongly as the love between them did.
This was becoming too much. Helen needed to stop reliving the rendezvous. She knew her face was again flushed and she actually felt sweat forming on her back. She realized her hand was still on her blouse, so she jerked it away and began to flip through the files in front of her. But the pulsing at her center would not cease. She needed to do something. Maybe she should go home. No, she had too much to do today. She cursed herself for not wearing pants today. At least then she could have tried to quell the sensation between her legs.
She realized that she was totally alone in the library. The inmates were on cellular confinement indefinitely and she knew the piss-head screws, as Nikki loved to call them, would not come to the library unless there were women in need of watching. If she could just put some pressure where it counted. This is insane, Helen thought. But as she looked around and listened for any tell tale footsteps, she slipped her hand under the waistband of her skirt and into her knickers. At first she just placed her fingertips on her throbbing clit to relieve the pressure. She sat that way for several minutes but, as she again recalled the mornings tryst, she began to move in a slow but steady motion dipping her hand further to wet her fingertips. She closed her eyes and imagined that it was Nikki’s hand moving at a quicker pace, increasing the pressure. She longed to look into those soulful eyes for the love they held and for the reassurance she needed. As the feelings intensified, she realized she was close to her much needed release. But then she heard voices and footsteps in the hall. She quickened her pace and held her breath as the footsteps got closer. The thought of Nikki whispering her name sent her over the edge and she came hard, just as the door opened. Through a veil of emotion, she realized that it was Nikki coming through the doorway, but that she had stopped suddenly and backed out of the room, turning and glancing down the hall to slow anyone else’s progress.
Helen, crimson with embarrassment, yanked her hand up and quickly composed herself, as Nikki again turned to walk into the library. Helen would not meet her eyes and got up to leave, as other women filed in.
“May I have a word, Miss Stewart? In private?” Nikki asked, feigning innocence.
“Not now!”
“Please, it will take but a moment.”
“Fine… follow me.”
As they closed the art room door, Helen turned and wailed, “Oh, my god... I’ve gone totally mad.”
“No, you’re just horny,” Nikki teased and pulled the fiery Scot into her arms.
“Nikki, it’s not funny. I’ve never done anything like that in my life. Why and how are you here?” Helen moaned with her arms held up between the two women.
“Some of us were let out for good behavior. You bring that out in me and it seems I bring out the adventurer in you. Now, tell me. What were you thinking when I, er, interrupted you?” Nikki inquired mischievously, as she grabbed Helen’s hand and placed her middle fingers in her mouth. Helen watched the motion paralyzed, as Nikki groaned with pleasure at the taste.
Pulling her hand back, Helen protested weakly, “You didn’t interrupt anything, thank you very much.”
“Oh, didn’t I?” Nikki smiled confidently.
“No, I was quite finished with the business at hand,” she answered and turned and walked out of the room.
-----------------------------------
Nikki stood in the art room, stunned that Helen had just walked out. Then the amazement turned to frustration. She always did that, she thought. It was her way of retaining control of… of their…of their what? You couldn’t really call this a relationship, could you? Damn that Helen Stewart! She could infuriate her at times. And she did have the upper hand didn’t she? She could walk away at any moment, go home to her flat, stay away totally, if she wanted. Nikki could make none of those same choices.
Yet, as she left the room, she smiled knowingly, certain in the knowledge that neither of them had had control over this situation almost from day one. And she knew that Helen Stewart could no sooner stay away from her than Nikki could stop wanting her there. They were two independent life forces moving in the same direction with the same goal with no way of slowing down or even speeding up the process; and no way of communicating the fact that they were, in fact, in sync. This overwhelming and life-enhancing love they felt, and the intense physical attraction that was becoming all too apparent, had a life of its own, and only needed their individual egos to get out of the way for it to flourish. This was their burden. At times they could read each other so effortlessly, sometimes with just a look, but then the insidious doubt would creep in, neither able to accept or even believe that soulmates really existed. And neither of them was willing to completely open up to that possibility, both wanting to protect themselves from their own emotions.
Maybe that’s what worked her up the most. That, just like everything else in this god-forsaken place, she had no control over her feelings for this woman who so totally completed her very existence. She did not want to feel or need or want this much. It was too dangerous on so many levels. If the affair were discovered by her fellow cons or by the screws, physical harm to Nikki would result. Helen’s career would be over, as well. But it was the fear of rejection and abandonment that presented the most clear and present danger to Nikki, if she was honest with herself. She did not want to feel this vulnerable in these circumstances, but here she was…totally in love with the most unlikely person imaginable. And, since this morning, she was finally convinced that the feelings were truly mutual. Yet, she knew Helen’s feelings were tainted with confusion and a different type of fear…fear of the unknown… fear of being different. These were fears Nikki could not help her with. She had her own demons to battle and right now, her raging hormones were at the top of the list.
As she strolled towards the garden with clouds threatening rain overhead, she contemplated the sensibility of their respective actions that morning and laughed mirthlessly. They HAD both gone insane. She could admit that, but Helen would surely not put herself in that position again. She would keep her emotions in check to prevent another such incident. Nikki was certain of that and it made her feel very alone… and very sad. Nikki Wade did not do “sad” well. She was much more comfortable with anger, so she cloaked herself in the familiar emotion as she approached the door to the potting shed, ready to get her hands dirty and find a release from her pent-up frustration.
“Nikki, you’ll have to come back in. It’s about to storm,” Di Barker yelled from the gate.
“But, Miss, I really have to get the bulbs that were delivered a few days ago into some pots or they’ll never survive,” she called back, hoping the woman could not hear the tension in her voice. She really needed to be alone. “I can get it all done inside the shed. It won’t take more than an hour and you can come back and get me then, when the rain has stopped”
Di Barker looked skeptical, but she knew the women had been cooped up for far too long since Renee Williams’s death and decided to let Nikki get her work completed. “Well, alright. I’ll be back in an hour.”
Nikki gave a thumbs-up in acknowledgement and mumbled to Di’s retreating back, “thanks, you nutter” as large drops began to fall. She stood at the door for a few moments letting the rain soak her in the hopes that it would extinguish the burning within. The morning was taking its toll on her nerves and she sorely wished she could learn restraint when it came to Helen-bloody-Stewart. She yanked the door open, taking all of her anxiety out on the hinges.
“It took you long enough,” came the familiar Scottish pitch. Helen had whispered the words in such a low tone that Nikki believed she had imagined them, until she saw the smile that lit up her world. And her heart skipped a beat.
“What are you doing here?” she asked incredulously, letting the door close behind her, but not making any attempt to move further into the enclosed space.
“I thought we had some unfinished business,” Helen simply stated as her eyes locked with Nikki’s.
“No, you were quite clear that all was taken care of when you, once again, walked away from me,” Nikki replied testily, trying to stay calm, trying to stay away. “We have nothing left to, um, discuss.”
She watched as Helen licked her lips and moved her eyes down to a very wet and very transparent white tee shirt. Nikki mumbled “traitors” as she too looked down at her erect nipples. When she looked up, Helen’s eyes shone with ill-disguised desire. She turned towards the door and Helen begged, “please…” but stopped as she realized Nikki was fashioning a lock of sorts.
Then it took just two strides for Nikki to reach her and as she did, her mouth came down hard on Helen’s, kissing her with all the passion and all the vexation caused by their mutual ability to completely understand the other yet at the same time create doubt in the realization.
As the storm raged inside and out, Helen’s arms went around Nikki’s lower back and she pulled her closer. Their kiss deepened, as their tongues danced together and their hands began to fumble under and around clothes. Helen had her hands under the wet shirt, undoing Nikki’s bra, while Nikki’s hands slid under and up the back of Helen’s skirt, hiking it up and grabbing both cheeks. Releasing her, she brought her hands around front, pulled Helen’s shirt up and yanked her bra above her breasts. She reached a hand for one breast and bent down to take the other nipple into her mouth. She circled it with her tongue before sucking hard. Helen cried out as she ran her hands through Nikki’s hair holding her head in place.
Nikki positioned herself so that she straddled Helen’s leg. A low groan escaped from Helen’s throat, as Nikki ground her hipbone into the younger woman’s center while simultaneously thrusting her own pelvis onto Helen’s upper thigh. The continuous friction caused them both to shudder and look into each other’s eyes. The shared intimacy was overwhelming and tears formed in Nikki’s eyes, as she felt their love emanating from every pore.
Helen then focused on the front of Nikki’s shirt and took both breasts in her hands, kneading them and squeezing her nipples. “You have the most beautiful body,” she whispered reverently. As she said this, her hands moved down Nikki’s sides and began to push the green cover-alls down her hips, until they were mid-thigh. “I never knew a woman’s body could cause me such excitement,” she continued as her hands followed the contours of Nikki’s waist and hipbones stopping at the waistband of her knickers.
Nikki watched intently as the woman she loved explored her body with a look of wonderment. She realized she wasn’t breathing and inhaled loudly at the same moment that Helen dipped a hand lower and firmer. Regaining her senses, Nikki quickly moved her own hand into place adding much needed pressure to Helen’s throbbing clit. As Helen’s eyes glazed over and she moaned, Nikki gently thrust two fingers inside, while rubbing the swollen knob with her thumb. At the same moment, they each reached for the other’s breast and began to massage with their free hand. As they stimulated each other this way, their eyes locked, and the only sounds were of the rain pounding on the roof and their ragged breaths. Helen came with such force that her knees nearly buckled and she cried out, but she kept the rhythmic pressure on Nikki, until she too found release.
“I want you inside me,” Nikki huskily whispered into her ear. Helen’s breath caught, but she confidently moved her hand lower, positioning two fingers just as she’d felt Nikki do a few moments earlier, and entered her slowly. She moved her hand steadily in and out, as Nikki’s hips moved towards her, quickening the pace in step with verbal prodding. She felt internal muscles tighten around her fingers and then release as she heard Nikki throatily moan, “Ohhhh… Helen… love.”
It was the most intimate experience of Helen’s life and she was so moved that tears poured down her cheeks unchecked. Words were not necessary as they listened to the other’s slowing heartbeat. They stood holding each other for a long time, before Nikki finally said, “you’d better go.”
Helen reached up to stroke her cheek and gently kissed her before saying, “I never want to leave you again. But, Nikki, swee’heart, I’m sorry… you know that this can’t happen again, not while you’re still in here. It’s too much, too dangerous.”
“Yeah sure, I know that. But, whenever it rains, think of me, will you?” Nikki breathed into her mouth, with a loving smile.
“Oh, I’ll be doing more than thinking of you.” Helen laughed softly with her tongue tucked behind her teeth. Rearranging her clothes and with one last wistful look at her lover, she walked out into the rain.
THE END.
NOTE: Complete short but sexy (meaning sex-y) fanfic about Helen & Nikki…Takes place in the middle of Season 2
Rated 18 (for adults only)
DISCLAIMERS: Bad Girls and all its characters are property of Shed Productions. The author implies no ownership of these characters, and they are used in the stories without permission solely for entertainment and not for profit.
__________________________
Nikki looked at Helen imagining her reading her “love note” in bed and blushed.
“Will you come back and see me tomorrow…same time?” she asked shyly.
“I’ll try, but with everyone still banged up, it may be difficult,” Helen answered.
“Barbara will be out making tea again, so we’ll have a moment alone.” Seeing Helen’s questioning look, she continued “don’t worry, I’m not gonna pounce on you…I just want to give you something.”
Karen Betts stepped through the door at that moment to apologize for not allowing a lifer’s meeting that day, so Helen could not inquire further. She just gave Nikki a nod and walked out. Hopefully, Karen did not notice the blush on her cheeks.
The next morning, Helen strolled onto the wing and popped her head into the PO’s office to let them know she had to give Nikki some news about her appeal.
“Where is everybody, Di?”
“Over at the officer’s club, since it’s so quiet here, having a mid-morning tea,” Di related with a wink.
“Okay, I won’t be long… oh, good morning, Barbara.”
“Morning Miss Stewart,” Babs replied.
“Take your time.” Di responded.
When Helen opened the door to Nikki’s cell, she was surprised to see the lifer propped up, yet still in bed. As she turned to close the door, she heard her say, “Stay right there. Don’t come any closer.”
Helen’s sharp intake of breath as she turned around, let Nikki know that she realized what her gift was going to be. She had one hand under the cover and one hand on her chest and her eyes locked with Helen’s as she began to move her covered hand in a rhythm, which matched Helen’s quickening heartbeat.
“Nikki!” Helen gasped. She felt faint as she watched the woman she loved touch herself. She could feel the heat rise on her cheeks…embarrassed and excited at the same time.
“Please stay there and block the door,” Nikki implored as her hand moved a bit quicker. “I want you to see what you do to me.”
Helen was frozen in place as her legs grew weak and Nikki’s breath became ragged. Nikki moved her other hand under her vest and began to circle and then squeeze an already swollen nipple. Her eyes never left Helen’s but the lids grew heavy with desire. She was having a hard time focusing, but could tell she was having a similar effect on Helen.
She quickened her tempo again and Helen had to grab the half wall to steady her self. She was completely mesmerized by the beautiful woman in front of her. “I want you,” she murmured as she began to move towards the bed.
“No… stop… risky,” Nikki mumbled with halting breath. “Please… stay there… let me look at you...” And as she said that, her body convulsed and she huskily whispered “Oh, god, Helen.” Helen just stopped and stared.
As the waves subsided, Nikki leaned forward, still watching Helen’s face, and slid a finger into herself, “I am soaking…you do that to me, you know…with just a look sometimes.”
Helen was so moved at the sight of Nikki’s flushed face and slowly thrusting hand, she was speechless. Nikki took that as a bad sign, stopped her movement, and looked near tears, as she begged, “Oh Helen, did I totally freak you out? I needed to show you how I feel... how you make me feel… I had no other way…” her voice trailed off and she lowered her eyes for the first time.
“No, Nikki, No…you misunderstand…you do the same to me, and all those things you said in your letter, I feel the same way. I want to touch you so badly right now, hold you, kiss you, but…”
Nikki leapt up, crossed the room in two strides and reached for Helen, but stopped short, unsure if she should continue. Helen grabbed her hand and moved it to her lips…kissing her palm and taking in the scent of Nikki Wade for the first time. “Oh, Nikki” she moaned, as a single tear slid down her face. “I love you.”
“I’m yours, dahlin’ don’t cry.” Nikki pulled Helen into her arms and held her tight.
“I’m just so overwhelmed, swee’heart” Helen murmured against her shoulder, “I don’t know how I can leave this room… leave you here each night… missing you… wanting you… needing you.”
“Just remember, I’m thinking of you at the same time and know that I love you with my whole being.” Nikki uncharacteristically gushed, as she cupped Helen’s chin, tilting it upwards, and leaned down to kiss her gently.
But, Helen, realizing for the first time that Nikki stood before her in just a thin vest and lace knickers, and that the PO’s were particularly lazy that day, wanted more. In one fluid movement, she spun Nikki around, pushed her against the door and slipped her hands under her top. Feeling the softness of another woman’s breasts for the first time made her feel faint again. She couldn’t believe how brazen she was being, but it felt right. She slowly moved her palms over Nikki’s erect nipples, before grabbing one between her thumb and forefinger, tugging slightly, all the while watching Nikki’s still-alarmed expression.
Gathering her senses, Nikki bent slightly at the waist and slid one hand up Helen’s skirt, quickly reaching her goal and causing Helen to jump.
“Nikki… no… stop… I don’t think I could handle that right now… I would never be able to leave… please just let me touch you, feel you... you are so beautiful.” Helen dipped her head down to take one of Nikki’s breasts in her mouth and circled her nipple with her tongue. Nikki moaned and grabbed Helen’s hand, guiding her fingers down to the lace panties. Looking into Helen’s eyes and receiving the affirmation she needed, she moved Helen’s fingers in a circular motion, pressing hard on her clit.
“I have never been so turned on in my life,” Helen whispered against Nikki’s breast, kissing her way back to Nikki’s mouth. As their tongues touched and teased, Nikki once again came with “Helen” on her lips.
-----------------------------
Helen practically stumbled out of the cell and looked around to make sure no one was watching her. She knew her face was flushed and anybody with an iota of sense would know what had just transpired. The coast was clear, but just. The PO’s were beginning to make their way back onto the wing. Fenner was sure to twig if she gave him any notice.
“Kin’ell, Stewart” she mumbled to herself as she hastily made her way back to the library to attempt to work. Thankfully, the room was empty and she could try and collect herself. What had she been thinking? Well, she hadn’t thought, of course. But she could have stopped Nikki, couldn’t she have? And did she have to attack her like that? Control over the situation was surely slipping from her grasp.
Concentration was impossible as the throbbing between her legs would not let up. She could never recall a single kiss or touch from a man that had caused such an acute and specific reaction. Just being near Nikki got her worked up. The smell of her, although tainted slightly with the odor of this place, was moving. Helen felt certain she would spontaneously combust if she were ever to be in a full on sexual situation with the tall, beautiful woman. Her heart rate quickened just at the thought of this mornings encounter and her imagination was stirred at the possibilities that loving a woman might open up.
She had had oral sex performed on her before, but in her experience, men just seemed to do it out of some sense of obligation or to show they were okay about it…not because they sincerely wanted to give you pleasure. What would it be like with Nikki? If kissing her was any indication, it would be bloody earth-shattering. That she knew.
Would she know what to do instinctively when (if?) she was ever in that situation with Nikki…where they would be able to express themselves completely? Helen’s hand had been on Nikki’s clit in her cell and although Nikki had guided her there, she knew intuitively what to do to please her. She could gauge by Nikki’s reaction just the right amount of pressure and tempo. The need to make her feel how much she loved her was overpowering at that moment and her efforts were rewarded with the huskily whispering of her own name in a voice that she would conjure in her dreams.
She reached down to touch her own breast, which Nikki had just fondled through her shirt moments ago. And she recalled the first bit of intimacy between them, when Nikki had grabbed her hand and forced Helen to touch her in the potting shed. It had frightened her to no end, but there was also a warmth that spread throughout her entire body at the touch. She called it “embarrassment” at the time, but she now knew its real name. Sexual desire. Pure and simple. Unlike anything she had ever felt before. It was so unfamiliar that she had to deny it meant anything. But as Nikki pushed and pushed, she could no longer fight her feelings and once they had kissed, well there was really no way to contain the sexual energy building between them. It had a life of its own and it grew just as steadily and strongly as the love between them did.
This was becoming too much. Helen needed to stop reliving the rendezvous. She knew her face was again flushed and she actually felt sweat forming on her back. She realized her hand was still on her blouse, so she jerked it away and began to flip through the files in front of her. But the pulsing at her center would not cease. She needed to do something. Maybe she should go home. No, she had too much to do today. She cursed herself for not wearing pants today. At least then she could have tried to quell the sensation between her legs.
She realized that she was totally alone in the library. The inmates were on cellular confinement indefinitely and she knew the piss-head screws, as Nikki loved to call them, would not come to the library unless there were women in need of watching. If she could just put some pressure where it counted. This is insane, Helen thought. But as she looked around and listened for any tell tale footsteps, she slipped her hand under the waistband of her skirt and into her knickers. At first she just placed her fingertips on her throbbing clit to relieve the pressure. She sat that way for several minutes but, as she again recalled the mornings tryst, she began to move in a slow but steady motion dipping her hand further to wet her fingertips. She closed her eyes and imagined that it was Nikki’s hand moving at a quicker pace, increasing the pressure. She longed to look into those soulful eyes for the love they held and for the reassurance she needed. As the feelings intensified, she realized she was close to her much needed release. But then she heard voices and footsteps in the hall. She quickened her pace and held her breath as the footsteps got closer. The thought of Nikki whispering her name sent her over the edge and she came hard, just as the door opened. Through a veil of emotion, she realized that it was Nikki coming through the doorway, but that she had stopped suddenly and backed out of the room, turning and glancing down the hall to slow anyone else’s progress.
Helen, crimson with embarrassment, yanked her hand up and quickly composed herself, as Nikki again turned to walk into the library. Helen would not meet her eyes and got up to leave, as other women filed in.
“May I have a word, Miss Stewart? In private?” Nikki asked, feigning innocence.
“Not now!”
“Please, it will take but a moment.”
“Fine… follow me.”
As they closed the art room door, Helen turned and wailed, “Oh, my god... I’ve gone totally mad.”
“No, you’re just horny,” Nikki teased and pulled the fiery Scot into her arms.
“Nikki, it’s not funny. I’ve never done anything like that in my life. Why and how are you here?” Helen moaned with her arms held up between the two women.
“Some of us were let out for good behavior. You bring that out in me and it seems I bring out the adventurer in you. Now, tell me. What were you thinking when I, er, interrupted you?” Nikki inquired mischievously, as she grabbed Helen’s hand and placed her middle fingers in her mouth. Helen watched the motion paralyzed, as Nikki groaned with pleasure at the taste.
Pulling her hand back, Helen protested weakly, “You didn’t interrupt anything, thank you very much.”
“Oh, didn’t I?” Nikki smiled confidently.
“No, I was quite finished with the business at hand,” she answered and turned and walked out of the room.
-----------------------------------
Nikki stood in the art room, stunned that Helen had just walked out. Then the amazement turned to frustration. She always did that, she thought. It was her way of retaining control of… of their…of their what? You couldn’t really call this a relationship, could you? Damn that Helen Stewart! She could infuriate her at times. And she did have the upper hand didn’t she? She could walk away at any moment, go home to her flat, stay away totally, if she wanted. Nikki could make none of those same choices.
Yet, as she left the room, she smiled knowingly, certain in the knowledge that neither of them had had control over this situation almost from day one. And she knew that Helen Stewart could no sooner stay away from her than Nikki could stop wanting her there. They were two independent life forces moving in the same direction with the same goal with no way of slowing down or even speeding up the process; and no way of communicating the fact that they were, in fact, in sync. This overwhelming and life-enhancing love they felt, and the intense physical attraction that was becoming all too apparent, had a life of its own, and only needed their individual egos to get out of the way for it to flourish. This was their burden. At times they could read each other so effortlessly, sometimes with just a look, but then the insidious doubt would creep in, neither able to accept or even believe that soulmates really existed. And neither of them was willing to completely open up to that possibility, both wanting to protect themselves from their own emotions.
Maybe that’s what worked her up the most. That, just like everything else in this god-forsaken place, she had no control over her feelings for this woman who so totally completed her very existence. She did not want to feel or need or want this much. It was too dangerous on so many levels. If the affair were discovered by her fellow cons or by the screws, physical harm to Nikki would result. Helen’s career would be over, as well. But it was the fear of rejection and abandonment that presented the most clear and present danger to Nikki, if she was honest with herself. She did not want to feel this vulnerable in these circumstances, but here she was…totally in love with the most unlikely person imaginable. And, since this morning, she was finally convinced that the feelings were truly mutual. Yet, she knew Helen’s feelings were tainted with confusion and a different type of fear…fear of the unknown… fear of being different. These were fears Nikki could not help her with. She had her own demons to battle and right now, her raging hormones were at the top of the list.
As she strolled towards the garden with clouds threatening rain overhead, she contemplated the sensibility of their respective actions that morning and laughed mirthlessly. They HAD both gone insane. She could admit that, but Helen would surely not put herself in that position again. She would keep her emotions in check to prevent another such incident. Nikki was certain of that and it made her feel very alone… and very sad. Nikki Wade did not do “sad” well. She was much more comfortable with anger, so she cloaked herself in the familiar emotion as she approached the door to the potting shed, ready to get her hands dirty and find a release from her pent-up frustration.
“Nikki, you’ll have to come back in. It’s about to storm,” Di Barker yelled from the gate.
“But, Miss, I really have to get the bulbs that were delivered a few days ago into some pots or they’ll never survive,” she called back, hoping the woman could not hear the tension in her voice. She really needed to be alone. “I can get it all done inside the shed. It won’t take more than an hour and you can come back and get me then, when the rain has stopped”
Di Barker looked skeptical, but she knew the women had been cooped up for far too long since Renee Williams’s death and decided to let Nikki get her work completed. “Well, alright. I’ll be back in an hour.”
Nikki gave a thumbs-up in acknowledgement and mumbled to Di’s retreating back, “thanks, you nutter” as large drops began to fall. She stood at the door for a few moments letting the rain soak her in the hopes that it would extinguish the burning within. The morning was taking its toll on her nerves and she sorely wished she could learn restraint when it came to Helen-bloody-Stewart. She yanked the door open, taking all of her anxiety out on the hinges.
“It took you long enough,” came the familiar Scottish pitch. Helen had whispered the words in such a low tone that Nikki believed she had imagined them, until she saw the smile that lit up her world. And her heart skipped a beat.
“What are you doing here?” she asked incredulously, letting the door close behind her, but not making any attempt to move further into the enclosed space.
“I thought we had some unfinished business,” Helen simply stated as her eyes locked with Nikki’s.
“No, you were quite clear that all was taken care of when you, once again, walked away from me,” Nikki replied testily, trying to stay calm, trying to stay away. “We have nothing left to, um, discuss.”
She watched as Helen licked her lips and moved her eyes down to a very wet and very transparent white tee shirt. Nikki mumbled “traitors” as she too looked down at her erect nipples. When she looked up, Helen’s eyes shone with ill-disguised desire. She turned towards the door and Helen begged, “please…” but stopped as she realized Nikki was fashioning a lock of sorts.
Then it took just two strides for Nikki to reach her and as she did, her mouth came down hard on Helen’s, kissing her with all the passion and all the vexation caused by their mutual ability to completely understand the other yet at the same time create doubt in the realization.
As the storm raged inside and out, Helen’s arms went around Nikki’s lower back and she pulled her closer. Their kiss deepened, as their tongues danced together and their hands began to fumble under and around clothes. Helen had her hands under the wet shirt, undoing Nikki’s bra, while Nikki’s hands slid under and up the back of Helen’s skirt, hiking it up and grabbing both cheeks. Releasing her, she brought her hands around front, pulled Helen’s shirt up and yanked her bra above her breasts. She reached a hand for one breast and bent down to take the other nipple into her mouth. She circled it with her tongue before sucking hard. Helen cried out as she ran her hands through Nikki’s hair holding her head in place.
Nikki positioned herself so that she straddled Helen’s leg. A low groan escaped from Helen’s throat, as Nikki ground her hipbone into the younger woman’s center while simultaneously thrusting her own pelvis onto Helen’s upper thigh. The continuous friction caused them both to shudder and look into each other’s eyes. The shared intimacy was overwhelming and tears formed in Nikki’s eyes, as she felt their love emanating from every pore.
Helen then focused on the front of Nikki’s shirt and took both breasts in her hands, kneading them and squeezing her nipples. “You have the most beautiful body,” she whispered reverently. As she said this, her hands moved down Nikki’s sides and began to push the green cover-alls down her hips, until they were mid-thigh. “I never knew a woman’s body could cause me such excitement,” she continued as her hands followed the contours of Nikki’s waist and hipbones stopping at the waistband of her knickers.
Nikki watched intently as the woman she loved explored her body with a look of wonderment. She realized she wasn’t breathing and inhaled loudly at the same moment that Helen dipped a hand lower and firmer. Regaining her senses, Nikki quickly moved her own hand into place adding much needed pressure to Helen’s throbbing clit. As Helen’s eyes glazed over and she moaned, Nikki gently thrust two fingers inside, while rubbing the swollen knob with her thumb. At the same moment, they each reached for the other’s breast and began to massage with their free hand. As they stimulated each other this way, their eyes locked, and the only sounds were of the rain pounding on the roof and their ragged breaths. Helen came with such force that her knees nearly buckled and she cried out, but she kept the rhythmic pressure on Nikki, until she too found release.
“I want you inside me,” Nikki huskily whispered into her ear. Helen’s breath caught, but she confidently moved her hand lower, positioning two fingers just as she’d felt Nikki do a few moments earlier, and entered her slowly. She moved her hand steadily in and out, as Nikki’s hips moved towards her, quickening the pace in step with verbal prodding. She felt internal muscles tighten around her fingers and then release as she heard Nikki throatily moan, “Ohhhh… Helen… love.”
It was the most intimate experience of Helen’s life and she was so moved that tears poured down her cheeks unchecked. Words were not necessary as they listened to the other’s slowing heartbeat. They stood holding each other for a long time, before Nikki finally said, “you’d better go.”
Helen reached up to stroke her cheek and gently kissed her before saying, “I never want to leave you again. But, Nikki, swee’heart, I’m sorry… you know that this can’t happen again, not while you’re still in here. It’s too much, too dangerous.”
“Yeah sure, I know that. But, whenever it rains, think of me, will you?” Nikki breathed into her mouth, with a loving smile.
“Oh, I’ll be doing more than thinking of you.” Helen laughed softly with her tongue tucked behind her teeth. Rearranging her clothes and with one last wistful look at her lover, she walked out into the rain.
THE END.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
Introduction & Guide
I have just discovered Bad Girls...yes, I have been living under a rock... but I am now addicted, as are so many people. I ordered the first series (fyi: I will use UK terminology when I can, out of respect for the creators) from Netflix in January 2008 and watched 3-4 episodes per week for 3 weeks and then I was stuck.
So I did what we have all done and I googled the show, and oh, what a treat...so much info and so little time. And yes, I spoiled series 2 and 3 for myself by looking at YouTube videos. I do regret that, so if you have not done so, I think the 39 episodes of the first three series should be watched prior to watching any fan videos or reading any fan fiction.
I do recommend episode recaps though, since sometimes we can't understand some of the thicker accents and/or we miss the subtleties which are rampant (and for which I am thankful). Unlike lots of American TV, the creators at Shed assume we are intelligent enough to not need everything spelled out for us. It's all the little things that you must assume or read into the dialogue that are so refreshing. Anyway, I have found three sources for episode recaps that are really great. They are http://www.badgirlsannex.com , http://theagonyandtheirony.blogspot.com/ and http://www.afterellen.com/taxonomy/term/58?page=3 in that order.
On with my journey... I then ordered the first series from amazon.com and the next two series from amazon.co.uk and then learned about DVD region coding. Before I sent them back, I emailed customer service and they informed me that I could watch them on my MacBook Pro (however, if you watch DVDs often on your Mac, you can only change the region codes 5 times, so after the 5th time, you are stuck only being able to play the last region's DVDs...fortunately, I don't use my Mac as a DVD player very often, so I was able to not make any changes yet). In the meantime, I proceeded to buy all of the first 4 series from iTunes. I don't know if there's any difference in the iTunes versions versus the DVD's, other than all the extra stuff you get on the DVDs (outtakes, deleted scenes, photos, and cast interviews, all of which are great fun).
I have now watched all three series twice... once on my own, and the second time with my partner. She had not started watching with me from the beginning the first time, so I would not let her jump in in the middle. I'm bossy that way. But really, I just wanted her to experience it all in the right order or it would not resonate as well. Case in point...LOGO has been airing Bad Girls for almost two years now, so I would stumble upon episodes from time to time, but never could get into the show (and lots of my friends have said the same thing). In fact I watched bits and pieces of S2Ep13 (Oh What a Night) which, as those who have seen it know, is a pivotal show. I stumbled upon the doorway scene and a bit of what follows (I'm not gonna spoil anything here, if I can help it), and not only was I not interested, but I did not find the two characters involved THAT attractive...crazy, huh!? But, it's that slow and steady development of so many of the characters, not just the ones that the lesbian community have embraced, that make you fall in love with them and the show as a whole.
Anyway, my partner was hooked on that second go-round too. And after she watched all of it, I showed her some of the OWH videos (http://www.helenandnikki.com/favorite.html) that really pulled it all together. I recommend doing that to.
We have just begun to watch Series 4 and I have ordered all of the rest of the DVDs (4-8) from amazon.co.uk. We are enjoying it, but to be honest, I discovered that I am less addicted to Bad Girls per se, but rather to the Helen and Nikki storyline. It's an incredible love story and so well-written, performed, and presented all around. I know that's been discussed so much. As I said, I'm a bit late to the party. So, anyway, I am currently in a state of grief from withdrawal. I really got so involved in the N&H story that I truly miss the characters. So I figured I'd start this blog to put it all out there.
Ultimately, I'll have some fan fiction and episode comments (not full recaps, because I think the three sites I mentioned do it so well). So, stay tuned and I hope whoever finds this enjoys it.
So I did what we have all done and I googled the show, and oh, what a treat...so much info and so little time. And yes, I spoiled series 2 and 3 for myself by looking at YouTube videos. I do regret that, so if you have not done so, I think the 39 episodes of the first three series should be watched prior to watching any fan videos or reading any fan fiction.
I do recommend episode recaps though, since sometimes we can't understand some of the thicker accents and/or we miss the subtleties which are rampant (and for which I am thankful). Unlike lots of American TV, the creators at Shed assume we are intelligent enough to not need everything spelled out for us. It's all the little things that you must assume or read into the dialogue that are so refreshing. Anyway, I have found three sources for episode recaps that are really great. They are http://www.badgirlsannex.com , http://theagonyandtheirony.blogspot.com/ and http://www.afterellen.com/taxonomy/term/58?page=3 in that order.
On with my journey... I then ordered the first series from amazon.com and the next two series from amazon.co.uk and then learned about DVD region coding. Before I sent them back, I emailed customer service and they informed me that I could watch them on my MacBook Pro (however, if you watch DVDs often on your Mac, you can only change the region codes 5 times, so after the 5th time, you are stuck only being able to play the last region's DVDs...fortunately, I don't use my Mac as a DVD player very often, so I was able to not make any changes yet). In the meantime, I proceeded to buy all of the first 4 series from iTunes. I don't know if there's any difference in the iTunes versions versus the DVD's, other than all the extra stuff you get on the DVDs (outtakes, deleted scenes, photos, and cast interviews, all of which are great fun).
I have now watched all three series twice... once on my own, and the second time with my partner. She had not started watching with me from the beginning the first time, so I would not let her jump in in the middle. I'm bossy that way. But really, I just wanted her to experience it all in the right order or it would not resonate as well. Case in point...LOGO has been airing Bad Girls for almost two years now, so I would stumble upon episodes from time to time, but never could get into the show (and lots of my friends have said the same thing). In fact I watched bits and pieces of S2Ep13 (Oh What a Night) which, as those who have seen it know, is a pivotal show. I stumbled upon the doorway scene and a bit of what follows (I'm not gonna spoil anything here, if I can help it), and not only was I not interested, but I did not find the two characters involved THAT attractive...crazy, huh!? But, it's that slow and steady development of so many of the characters, not just the ones that the lesbian community have embraced, that make you fall in love with them and the show as a whole.
Anyway, my partner was hooked on that second go-round too. And after she watched all of it, I showed her some of the OWH videos (http://www.helenandnikki.com/favorite.html) that really pulled it all together. I recommend doing that to.
We have just begun to watch Series 4 and I have ordered all of the rest of the DVDs (4-8) from amazon.co.uk. We are enjoying it, but to be honest, I discovered that I am less addicted to Bad Girls per se, but rather to the Helen and Nikki storyline. It's an incredible love story and so well-written, performed, and presented all around. I know that's been discussed so much. As I said, I'm a bit late to the party. So, anyway, I am currently in a state of grief from withdrawal. I really got so involved in the N&H story that I truly miss the characters. So I figured I'd start this blog to put it all out there.
Ultimately, I'll have some fan fiction and episode comments (not full recaps, because I think the three sites I mentioned do it so well). So, stay tuned and I hope whoever finds this enjoys it.
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