Larkhall Love

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2009-08-25T18:45:00.002-04:00

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http://www.BadGirlsRiot.com

Bad Girls Fan Fiction is based on the Nikki and Helen storyline.

Fan Fic - Release (Sequel to Inside Job) Rated NC-17

2008-10-18T09:08:00.002-04:00

Release (Sequel to Inside Job)
By late2theparty

DISCLAIMERS: Bad Girls and all its characters are property of Shed Productions. The author implies no ownership of these characters, and they are used in the stories without permission solely for entertainment and not for profit.

_______________________________________________________________________
The day had finally arrived. Nikki had been planning for this for over a year and it was surreal to her that it was here. Her appeal was finally going to be heard and for the very first time in a long while, the lifer allowed herself the smallest bit of hope.

Getting dressed, she mused about the path her life had taken… not just the time spent in prison - more than three long, seemingly wasted years - but most notably the events of the last year and a half. She had earned a degree, which is something she thought would never happen; she had lost her partner of nine years to the stress and strain of time apart; and most significantly she had fallen in love - for the first time, really. She had loved Trisha… she really had… but having met Helen, she had to confess that that love paled in comparison. Oh, Helen…first her jailor, then her friend and finally her lover.

Nikki smiled at the recollection of their first encounters - heated… passionate… suspicious. Then Helen had begun to relax, become less formal, flirt even. Nikki was smitten and let her guard down. It was frightening yet liberating at the same time. And when Helen finally admitted reciprocal feelings, the tall, dark con knew she’d never be the same.

What a mess they had made of it though… both pushing so hard in the same direction, but stumbling all the way. They wanted each other, craved the others presence and touch, even gave in to it in one brief moment of insanity, which turned to clarity on a rainy afternoon. But their agendas, although mostly similar, were from a different perspective and that caused so much strife. This had prompted Nikki to escape for a night… to risk everything to try and create an avenue of unobstructed communication. Helen had been furious, but her anger had dissipated at Nikki’s simple yet earth-shattering request of “Tell me you love me” and they had made beautiful and passionate love. But, returning Nikki to prison, Helen had been unable to sustain the relationship…anxiety and fear of reprisal for both of them outweighing the love she felt for the other woman - a love Nikki was certain that Helen knew to be real and true. More strife ensued and although she had dangled the possibility of a future together, tied to Nikki’s appeal, Helen had finally ended it after a riot caused by Nikki’s insistence of fair treatment for a fellow inmate. Nikki was sure Helen would come back to her, but after a couple months of avoidance and formal treatment, she learned that Helen was seeing the new SMO, and that had seemingly been the final blow.

Nikki’s head hurt at the thought. They had been through a lot and anticipating her appeal had turned bittersweet. But then Helen had turned up in her cell the night before, ostensibly to wish her well. Yet something in her eyes as she turned to leave forced Nikki to her feet.

Moving towards her, Nikki reached up and stroked Helen’s cheek before tucking her hair behind her ear. “I’ve missed you,” she simply stated peering into the depths of the emerald eyes she had dreamt about for months.

“Nikki…” Helen started, watching the expectancy in the con’s emotive, amber eyes. “About Thomas…”

Nikki visibly stiffened at the name and took a step backwards.

“I’ve broken it off with him,” Helen quickly continued, moving forward to close the divide, her eyes never leaving Nikki’s. “And swee’heart… I never really got off with him… he was… a distraction… one that didn’t work.”

Nikki relaxed a bit and placed her hands on Helen’s hips, pulling her closer, “A distraction from what?” she asked in a sultry voice. Leaning down to capture Helen’s lips in her own, she pulled her jailor into her, making immediate and effective contact.

Helen reached up and placed her hands on either side of Nikki’s face, and keeping her eyes open, she deepened the kiss by tracing Nikki’s lips with her tongue before thrusting it into her mouth.

Puling back to steady her self, Nikki whispered, “I’ve missed how you taste, how you smell…I’ve missed touching you.”

“Me too,” Helen hoarsely answered, trying hard to maintain control.

“I want you, Helen. I need you. Let me love you,” Nikki pleaded, as she moved her hand to the front of Helen’s trousers. Nikki pressed her palm into Helen’s center, causing a quick intake of breath from the slighter woman. She moved her fingers to find the swollen clit through the garment and rubbed harder, while leaning down to kiss a line up her neck to her mouth.

“Ohh, god…” Helen moaned into Nikki’s lips. But sudden awareness caused Helen to roughly push back. “Nikki, I can’t. I’m afraid…”

Afraid of what? Of getting caught? Of loving me? What? Nikki had wanted to know, but she didn’t get the opportunity to ask as they were interrupted by a PO coming round for lock up.

___________________
Part 2

Walking down the steps whilst the other cons cheered lifted Nikki’s spirits a bit, but her heart still felt heavy. She had not slept at all, trying to find meaning in Helen’s words and actions. And she hoped that the appeal would only last a day and that she’d never wake in her cell again.

“So, who gets the honors?” Nikki asked Di Barker.

“Me and Jim,” the PO answered.

“Made a special request, did he?” the con retorted snidely.

Di just rolled her eyes and walked the taller woman out to the waiting car. Once inside, she attached cuffs to herself and Nikki and they waited in silence. Voices were heard at the back of the car, but Nikki could not make them out. They sounded harsh. She really didn’t care. She just wanted to get moving. Momentarily, the left rear door opened and Helen climbed in beside Nikki. Not looking at her, she grabbed the inmate’s wrist and gently placed the handcuff on it, locked it and then did the same with her own wrist. Their hands briefly touched and Nikki had to fight to keep from gasping.

This is interesting she thought.

“Jim okay, Helen?” Di inquired.

“Yes, I just had more important matters for him to handle,” the Governing Governor replied with an air of indifference.

More important matters? Nikki snorted aloud with derision. So that’s how it’s going to be? She’s just here to taunt me.

“Let’s get going,” Helen leaned up and said to the driver. “We’re going to be late.”

_________________________

Nikki’s head was spinning as she listened to the testimony, which had been gathered by her solicitor in an attempt to reduce her sentence. She was acutely, painfully aware of Helen’s presence beside her. She could hear her breathing and smell her subtle perfume. The prison official had given no sign of encouragement or even recognition throughout the morning and Nikki was beginning to get agitated. Yet, she knew she had to remain calm, in appearance at least, for the sake of the proceedings.

As they broke for lunch, Nikki looked to the balcony above, caught Trisha’s eyes and smiled and waved, before exiting the courtroom.

“What do you want for lunch, Nikki?” Di Barker asked kindly as they entered the private waiting room.

“I’m not really hungry. I’ll just skip it, if it’s all the same to you.” Nikki replied quietly, as she sat at the long conference table.

“Helen, do you want me to go get us some sandwiches?”

“No, Di, I’m not really hungry either. Why don’t you go and have a nice sit-down lunch and relax,” Helen encouraged. “We have over an hour before we’re due back.”

“Okay. You sure I can’t bring you back something?” She asked, looking from one woman to the other.

“No, we’re fine,” they answered in unison.

Locking the door after the PO’s departure, Helen turned to look at Nikki for the first time all day.

“Worried, I’m gonna do a runner?” Nikki jeered.

Ignoring her sarcastic tone, Helen said quietly, “Heavy stuff. You okay?”

“I’m fine,” she answered petulantly, folding her arms over her chest and looking away.

“Nikki…” Helen began.

“Look, Helen, I don’t know what you’re doing here, but you’re really beginning to get on my tits. I don’t need this today. You made yourself clear, so please let me just deal with this trial as best I can… on my own,” Nikki spewed with ill-disguised pain.

Helen recoiled at the harshness of the words, but masked her hurt with anger, and retorted, “Fine” before walking out of the room and locking the door behind her.

___________________________________
Part 3
(Disclaimer: my trusty betas have not been employed to review this, so forgive any errors…I’m not trying to win a Pulitzer, just entertain you. I hope I have. Enjoy! L2P)
____________________
Slamming her hand down on the table, Nikki muttered, “fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK!”

She quickly rose from her chair, took off her jacket and began pacing. Suddenly, the door flew open and Helen stood in front of her as suddenly as she had disappeared.

“Nicola Wade, you are the most frustrating person I have ever…”

Her words were halted by Nikki’s mouth crashing down on hers. Helen reached behind to lock the door without breaking contact, then pushed Nikki back against the table. They kissed passionately, tongues battling for control, hands roaming, groping, fondling.

Taking a step back to catch her breath, Helen started, “Nikki…”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Helen. What do you want from me?” Nikki snapped.

“I don’t want anything from you Nikki,” Helen said with halting breath. “I just want you.” Hesitating, Helen looked away before continuing, “It’s always been you…I can’t understand or explain what you do to me… kin’ell, my legs are like jelly just from a kiss.”

Taking a deep breath and looking sheepish, Nikki reversed their positions. Helen moved back to sit down on the edge of the sparkling mahogany conference table. Placing a hand on Helen’s cheek, Nikki leaned down and tenderly kissed her before saying with emotion, “And you have no idea what you do to me.”

Capturing her lips with her own once more, Nikki gently pushed Helen onto her back atop the table bending at the waist to follow. “I love you,” she whispered into Helen’s throat as her tongue made a path up to her ear. “And I want you, right here, right now.”

Helen’s eyes opened wide, fear and desire waging a war within.

“Don’t worry, you said we have over an hour and there are no cameras in here… that would be a violation of my privacy, wouldn’t it,” Nikki smiled ironically and shrugged.

Nikki moved her hands to each side of Helen’s hips and grabbing the hem of her sweater, slid it up the table and over her head, as Helen arched her back to assist.

“You want this as much as I do, don’t you? Tell me Helen. Tell me what you want,” Nikki pleaded.

“I…I want you, Nikki.” Helen whispered back and reached for Nikki’s shirt to pull her down roughly. As their lips met yet again, all doubt fled the room, Helen wrapped her arms around the inmate, and Nikki felt like she was coming home.

The lifer took a deep breath to try and forget where she was and to suppress the emotions, which threatened to overwhelm her. She then quickly unhooked the front clasp of Helen’s bra, leaned back down and took a creamy, smooth breast into her mouth, sucking hard.

“Fffffuu….oh, god, Nikki,” Helen moaned as she grabbed Nikki’s head and pulled her closer. She was still amazed at the sharp and immediate reaction between her legs at the woman’s touch.

Still teasing and tugging at a taut nipple with her lips, Nikki reached to pull Helen’s skirt up, brown eyes never leaving green ones. She slid her hand up the inside of Helen’s shaking thigh and slipped her fingers into the side of the lace knickers.

“God, you are soaking wet.”

Gasping at the touch, Helen thrust her hips up towards Nikki’s gently stroking hand, which suddenly stopped and withdrew.

“Nikki, please…” she implored.

“Just need better positioning darling,” the tall woman explained before tugging the knickers down with both hands and shoving them in her trouser pocket. She smiled knowingly and reached down to grab Helen’s calf to lift a boot-encased foot onto the table.

Hesitating a moment longer to gaze at the vision in front of her, Nikki then moved to plunge her fingers deep and began a steady pace in and out forcing Helen’s entire body to slide up and down the polished table. Nikki’s other hand reached up to steady the prone woman.

“Oh, yes…oh, god… yes,” Helen moaned as she wrapped her raised leg around Nikki’s waist, pulling her in closer.

Nikki leaned down to kiss and lick the space between Helens breasts, hand still thrusting. Silence enveloped the room save the sound of flesh on flesh and heavy breathing.

“Come for me, love,” Nikki commanded moments later.

As she felt the tell-tale tightening around her fingers, she moved her thumb to graze the swollen clit with each movement. As Helen’s body jerked in release, she cried out Nikki’s name and looked up in fear of being heard. Not moving, Nikki felt Helen constricting in and out with continual waves, and she leaned down to take her throbbing knob in her mouth.

“I can’t. God, Nikki, I can’t.” she whispered hoarsely.

“Yes, you can. Deep breaths,” Nikki instructed, slowly removing her fingers, while tracing Helen’s folds with her lips, dipping her tongue into moistness before returning to her clit. “You taste bloody fantastic,” she enthused.

“Shh, what’s that?” Helen suddenly asked in a panic, raising herself up on an elbow.

Footsteps in the hall were getting closer, so Nikki jumped back and grabbed Helen’s hand to pull her up. Helen’s shaking hands quickly snapped her bra clasp together and reached for her sweater.

The doorknob rattled. “Helen, you in there?” came the sing-song voice of Di Barker. “The door’s locked. I think they’re about to call us back in,” she yelled through the door.

“Okay, we’re ready,” Helen yelled back, pulling her sweater over her head, smoothing her hair down and jumping to her feet.

Nikki moved across the room to retrieve her jacket as Helen looked back at her and mouthed, “how do I look?”

“You look okay…like you’ve just been shagged, but otherwise okay,” she cheekily whispered.

“Sod you, Nikki,” Helen threw back with a smile, anxiety in her voice.

“It’s okay, Helen. You look fine.” Nikki replied kindly.

They looked at each other with complete understanding and Helen nodded as she opened the door.

“How was your lunch?”

Part 4

“Oh, hi… Claire… Trish.” Helen managed to say a little too loudly, as the three women walked through the door. She turned as they passed with a panic-stricken look thrown at Nikki.

“Sorry I had to run out like that,” Claire said. “I had a crisis with another case. But it looks like we are delayed a bit, so just continue with what you were doing…we have time. Did you have lunch?”

Helen’s face was flushed and Nikki’s eyes were glued to the ground.

“I offered, but they didn’t want anything,” Di piped in.

Trish looked from one woman to the other and moved to hug Nikki. The tall con kept her hands firmly in her trouser pockets and leaned into Trisha. The blonde’s eyes squinted and she glared at Nikki without saying a word.

“I need the loo,” Nikki said, clearing her throat.

“I’ll take you,” Di offered. “Let’s go.”

As the two women exited, Helen and Trish stared at each other. Claire looked from one to the other, coughed a bit and said, “Um, ladies, we have a slight problem.”

They both turned their heads quickly towards Claire and said “what?” simultaneously.

As Nikki closed the door to the single bathroom, she let out the breath she had been holding and leaned her head against the closed door. Fuck, she thought. What was that? Reaching into her trouser pocket, she brought Helen’s knickers up to face, taking in the woman’s scent. She felt totally overwhelmed by the events of the day. And this delay was only adding to her anxiety.

Moving toward the sink, she caught sight of herself in the mirror and quickly realized why Trish seemed miffed. Her hair was all mussed and her makeup was smudged. Damn, She thought as she washed her face and hands. This is not good.

What was she thinking? Of course, once again, she knew that intelligent thought did not play a role when Helen Stewart was around. Her hormones were in control and she let them have their way…again.

But what did this mean for Helen? She had said she wanted Nikki. What did that really mean? Was there a chance for them… if she…if she was released today? Too may un-answered questions... still. And they were all out of Nikki Wade’s control.

Taking advantage of her few moments of solitude and desperately needing to relieve some tension, Nikki unbuttoned her trousers and reached into her knickers.

But, a knock on the door halted her plans.

“Nikki, it’s me. I need to speak with you.”

Bloody hell. She thought as she quickly pulled up her zipper, shoved the knickers back into her pocket and reached for the door.

Standing staring at each other, Helen broke the silence, “Can you come out of there. We need to discuss your case with Claire.”

Nikki saw the panic in Helen’s eyes and moved back into the loo. “No,” she simply stated. “You come in here.”

Helen hesitated for a moment, looked up and down the hall, and followed Nikki into the small space.

Turning back towards the prison official, Nikki opened her arms and Helen moved into the embrace.

“Don’t say anything yet. Please just let me hold you. Let this moment last,” Nikki whispered into Helen’s hair.

Helen understood and looked up at the other woman… this woman who totally captivated her and who was totally frightened at the possibility of bad news on this day. She leaned up to place a gentle kiss on the lips that had moments before been between her legs. The thought of that made Helen deepen the kiss and Nikki’s eyes opened wider.

Moving her hands down to Helen’s skirt, Nikki pulled her in closer, while backing up against the sink. Shifting a bit, her pelvic bone landed front and center and the intimate contact made Helen jump.

“I’m still so sensitive,” she whispered incredulously. “But I believe turn-about is in order.” And with that she reached for the top of Nikki’s trousers and unzipped them. As she moved to slide them down, Nikki grabbed her wrists to stop her. “It’s too risky. Leave them on,” she instructed and pushed Helen’s hand under the waistband of her knickers. “But, please, touch me. I need to feel you inside me.”

Helen’s hand moved swiftly to touch the swollen clit and moisture between Nikki’s legs and she gasped at the realization that she was the cause of the woman’s arousal. She was in awe of the sight of Nikki’s half closed eyes and parted lips, as she stroked and pressed against her. A moan escaped from deep in Nikki’s throat when Helen entered her and began a slow and steady, although limited, thrusting motion.

“Ohhh… Harder… Faster…. Please… oh, yes, fuck me, Helen. I need this,” Nikki said between clenched teeth.

Taken aback by Nikki’s crude words, Helen took her rising ire out on the woman and thrust harder and faster, sending Nikki over the edge.

Regaining her balance, Nikki leaned down to kiss Helen, but the small woman removed her hand and brusquely pushed her aside to wash them.

“Hey… hey…what’s wrong?” Nikki asked as she zipped up her trousers. “That was blood fantastic!”

“Is that what this was for you, Nikki? A quick shag before you start your life with Trish again?” Helen exploded.
“Huh? Oh, Helen. I didn’t mean to make it sound like that…I just got carried away…”

“I saw the look in her eyes in the conference room… she still wants you.” Helen said passionately with lowered voice.

“Helen, it’s not like that… I mean we talked about giving it another go, but…”

“… and I’ve seen how you turn to her in court for support,” Helen continued her rant.

“Well, it’s not like I was getting anything… ANYTHING… from you in there,” Nikki shot back, frustration building again.

“What was I supposed to do, Nikki? Hold your bloody hand in there?” Helen replied, green eyes flashing, turning darker.

“Helen, Nikki… you okay in there?” Claire called at the door as she knocked.

Nikki yanked the door open and said sarcastically to her solicitor, “fine… everything’s just bloody marvelous.” And with that she stormed back towards the conference room.

“So, she didn’t take the news well then?” Claire asked her friend kindly.

“She doesn’t know. I hadn’t told her yet.” Helen said resignedly.

“But you were in there for fifteen minutes. We thought she just needed time. What were you…”

“Leave it Claire,” Helen said firmly as they walked towards the conference room.

As they got close to the door, they both heard the crash and Nikki’s pained “NOOOO!” and they hurried into the room.

Part 5

As Helen and Claire got to the open door of the conference room, they immediately saw the shattered water pitcher on the floor and the hole in the plaster where it had been thrown. They did not see anyone in the room, but they heard wracking sobs coming from the end of the table. Helen rushed down the length of it.

Nikki was kneeling with Trish in her arms, kissing her hair and whispering, “it’ll be alright… it will… you’ll see.” The intimate moment would have been touching, had Helen not known the cause of it.

Sensing her presence, Nikki looked up with such heartache in her eyes, that Helen felt like she had been slapped. Trish too turned to look at Helen and as her expression of pain turned to one of unrestrained hostility, she said through clenched teeth, “Fix this.”

Claire reached for Helen’s shoulders and, upon seeing the anguish on her face as she turned to her, realized the extent of her friend’s feelings for Nikki for the first time.

“Helen, I’m sorry, but you and Miss Barker need to step outside. I need to confer with my client,” she said as kindly, but as firmly as possible.

Standing still, Helen looked back at Nikki, who would no longer look her way.

“Helen… please.” Claire implored.

With a simple nod and pursed lips, Helen turned to leave.

“You know they’re not mine, don’t you Miss? It’s a set up,” Nikki said with contempt to her retreating back.

As they left the room, Di Barker turned to her Governor and asked, “What’s happened, Helen?”

“They’ve found drugs hidden in Nikki’s mattress,” Helen said with as calm a voice as she could muster. Then she walked away from the PO, instructing, “you stay here” as she pulled her cell phone from her pocket.

The appeals process was suspended for the day as the news reached the judges. Nikki’s Barrister successfully implored the court not to halt the proceedings entirely until at least a preliminary investigation could be completed. They were given two days to verify or invalidate the charges of possession.

Claire, Nikki and Trish had met for a brief time, but could not really accomplish much. The time was spent mostly consoling Trisha, who fortunately chose to ignore the glaring sexual tension between Helen and Nikki.

Di Barker alone escorted Nikki back to Larkhall that afternoon. She did not question Helen’s absence, just accepted it as a forgone conclusion. [i]She’s gone for good now[/i], she thought.

Nikki knew that the only way she could clear her name was to return to Larkhall and call in every favor of every con she knew to suss out the culprit. But for the first time, she actually did not feel helpless in the situation, She knew her mates would help, especially Yvonne. She also knew in her heart of hearts that Jim Fenner was somehow behind this, but she would likely never be able to prove that. Accepting that was going to be the hardest thing she had to do. But she had to save herself now. She couldn’t be responsible for trying to take him down, as much as she wanted to.

She arrived just as everyone sat to eat. The room fell silent before a chant of “Nikki…Nikki…Nikki” began. Oh, the mixed emotions tumbling through her. She had met some really special people in here…women who would be with her for the rest of her life. Nikki stayed standing and waited for everyone to quiet down.

“Just get your food, Wade… and sit down,” Bodybag snarled. “You aren’t the bloody queen.”

Ignoring her, Nikki began, “I’m sure you’ve all heard that my appeal has been halted for a bit until we can figure out who decided to use my mattress to store their gear. So, you’ll get to have me around a bit longer. Hope you don’t mind.” She turned and winked at Yvonne, before turning for the stairs.

“Oh, no… you’re not going back to the threes,” Sylvia said sarcastically. “You’re headed down the block. For your own security.”

“And I’ll take her there myself,” Fenner smirked as he came up behind the con.

Nikki stiffened at his presence, but tried to remain calm. Provoking him would do no good. She turned, smiled and said, “I’m sure you will, Mr. Fenner,” then walked confidently towards the gate.

Continued at http://www.badgirlsriot.com

Bad Girls Community

2008-09-24T12:37:00.011-04:00

I have recently been immersing myself in the various Bad Girls message boards (probably to distract myself from all the crises going on in my world... hurricanes, elections, and now a failing financial industry, which we will likely have to bail out...

But I digress. So, getting "involved" in these online communities has allowed me to "meet" some interesting people. My interaction with my new friends has been stimulating to say the least...I've learned the art of cyber-flirting (it's harmless, I promise, MB), I've experienced theater of the mind in a thread designed for social interactions, and I've read some really great fan fiction (and some not so great stuff too, but eye-of-the-beholder and all that).

I used to scoff at online chat rooms and interactive message boards, but I have found them to be therapeutic and evocative. Now, I'm not naive enough to think that everyone who tells you about themselves is being true and honest, but as long as you don't put yourself out there too much, it's all just good fun. And I'm finding there's the possibility of creating real and lasting friendships.

Here are the links to some of the message boards:

Bad Girls Riot: http://s1.zetaboards.com/Bad_Girls_Riot/index/

Nikki & Helen Message Board: http://z4.invisionfree.com/Nikki_and_Helen/

Series 7-Christmas Episode

2008-08-14T16:50:00.003-04:00

You know when you think of Christmas episodes, you think "spirit of the season," "good will toward all" and just generally a feel good sort of experience. That is so not the case with the "bonus" episode in the 7th year of Bad Girls. Now, I admit, the show continued to get not better (the word worse sounds so harsh to me) after Series 3. 4 was better than 5, which was better than 6, and so on. I have yet to watch Series 8 because I have read so much negative about it, I just don't want to end that way.

I'll probably watch Series 8 and then afterwards I'll just sit with remote in hand and fly through all the Nikki and Helen parts in Series 1-3, just to make myself feel better. I've actually done that in one sitting. Sounds like I don't have a life, I know. But, my wife was out of town a few months back and I am never home alone. I mean never. I travel lots without her, but I am with her on 99.9% of her travels, so it was such a nice thing to be totally alone. Not that I don't love my wife (we've been together over 15 years and have owned a business together for 11 years, which we operate out of the house). Suffice it to say, it's nice to get a break from each other from time to time and it's a real treat for me to be home alone.

ANYWAY...it was a rainy day and it took 8 hours to watch all the N&H scenes. It was really a lot of fun. Of course, afterwards, I really wanted my wife home, but that’s way off topic.

Back to the Christmas episode...I absolutely hated it. Okay, so hate’s a strong word, but I’m sorry, when evil triumphs over good, hate is the right word to use. And that’s what happened. Now I’m no mamby pamby who thinks only good happens in the world, but goodness gracious, do we have to have our favorite soap opera (‘cause that’s what Bad Girls has become by Series 7) remind us there’s that much true evil in the world.

I thought the whole exorcism was not plausible. I’m not sure what denomination the vicar came from (of course, we know not Catholic), but I just don’t believe she would have gone down that path, based on her age mostly. Exorcisms are sort of old-fashioned aren’t they, except in the archaic Catholic Church anyway (hey, I can say that...I’m a recovering Catholic...K-12 Catholic school and all that).

Maybe my expectations skewed my reaction...ok, my over reaction. I guess I expected more of the play part of it (can’t remember the term they used for the skit) with the Julies doing their schtick. Instead, we get Julie J. going insane and we’re forced to contend with the ghost of Jim Fucking Fenner. I thought we got rid of his sorry arse!

Let me also add that I am a devout Christian so all the negative words and stereotypes in the episode about an important Christian holiday didn’t set well with me either. Again, I’m no prude and I respect all religions (I don’t think I’ve got the only path to heaven, but I believe there are paths and I believe there is a heaven and a loving creator), but there’s no need to bash my faith.

Let me make a footnote here that it’s been a couple of months since I watched the episode so I do not even recall specifics, just an overall feeling of negativity towards Christmas that pervaded the episode. I do not intend to watch it again, so I can’t be more specific.

Now, I’m not saying there’s not some interesting stuff going on in the episode...and that it’s not well written. I’ve read a really good discussion on the N&H Message Board about it...and it’s allusions to other stories. But I can’t get past the negatives to appreciate all that. Okay, maybe I am a bit priggish about this. Oh, well. I can admit and accept that about myself. Enough said.

I’ll have more fun topics later.

That Damn Pink Shirt

2008-07-05T16:39:00.005-04:00

Coming to Bad Girls so late in the game leaves me at a loss for places to chat about all things BG with like-minded people. So I'm just going to chat with myself here on my little 'ol blog and if anybody finds it, maybe a dialogue will begin.

Anyway, I just have to wonder if I'm the only person to notice that in the 2nd to last episode of Series 1 (Pay Back Time), Nikki seemed to only own one shirt...that tight short-sleeved pink one. Now, I'm not complaining too much. I mean it did show off her assets quite nicely and it was a nice shade of pink, but WTF? It seems like she wore it three days in a row. I'm not kidding.

My guess is that she knew how good it looked on her and was hoping that a particular Wing Governor would also notice it and pop into her cell after lock up so she could steal a kiss. Hey, wait... that's exactly what happened. Good plan, Nikki! You go girl.

Really, I just thought it was another continuity error (more on those later 'cause there are lots).

Oh, well. Long live the pink shirt!

Why I love Nikki and Helen so much and so equally

2008-06-30T16:49:00.005-04:00

On so many of the Bad Girls message boards, people are always choosing between Helen Stewart and Nikki Wade. I know some of it has to do simply with whether you are more attracted to the slighter, femme governor or to the tall, dark and handsome soft butch con.

I personally find them both VERY attractive and some of it has nothing to do with their looks. I think I mentioned in another post that I saw a couple of episodes of the show without knowing who was whom and I did not go ga-ga over either of them. But as I got to know them and watched their internal and external struggles, I absolutely fell in love with each of the characters.

The outward (some might say superficial, since you're also talking about the actress who plays the part) reasons to love each of them include Nikki's sultry and sexy voice, her full, very kissable lips, her almost golden eyes which show every emotion she feels, her perfect breasts, and very nice bum. Helen's physical attributes include her very sexy Scottish brogue, her pouty lips, her exquisite hazel eyes, and oh, the cleavage for days.

Okay, so I've gone down that road, I know. But it's still all the love, compassion and respect they exude that makes those things double in my estimation.

The main reason that I love them so much and love them equally is that I can relate to them both.

Nikki Wade is whom I aspire to be (married to her principals; kind in a genuine way; loyal to a fault; totally sure of right and wrong; single-minded in her determination to right any wrongs; well-read and quite witty).

Helen Stewart is the one I am more like (outwardly confident, especially in the area of her job, yet internally insecure; somewhat awkward in certain situations; not wanting to stand out or appear different; yet loving and kind with a great sense of humor).

I cannot gush enough about how well the two actresses, Simone Lahbib and Mandana Jones made Helen and Nikki come to life. I totally believed these two people were in love and would do just abut anything to be together and to better the other's lot in life.

I'm just so glad I finally found the show.

Bit of this and that

2008-06-18T10:39:00.006-04:00

I have just posted my first two fanfics on the Bad Girls Enhanced website (http://s1.zetaboards.com/bgenhanced/index/) and the Helen & Nikki message boards ( http://z4.invisionfree.com/Nikki_and_Helen/index.php?act=idx ) and the feedback was overwhelming. The thought of other people reading my stuff was nerve-wracking, but then the positive responses came pouring in and have inspired me to do more. So, I'm starting a couple of new and much longer ones....still Helen and Nikki themed and based on the actual characters from the show, not an AU story, although I'm not opposed to that. But, I'm still finding my voice and practicing the art of writing, so starting with characters that are already so fleshed out is helpful, albeit a short-cut for sure.

I also just started reading Anne Lamott's book on writing, called Bird by Bird and it's great. I recommend it to anyone who wants to get better at writing or start to write.

Related to BG, we are almost at the end of series 7 and have enjoyed some of the story lines, but I have to say, it's almost as if the creators lost interest in their first-born child. Many of the stories feel forced and rushed, as if to just get it in there. It's sad really. And I really have not enjoyed any of the other lesbian couples portrayed since series 3. They are quite dull and not captivating at all (IMO). More later.

FanFic-Helen's Emancipation (S3 Ep16 Spoiler)

2008-04-23T16:40:00.009-04:00

SPOILER ALERT - Takes you to the end of Series 3

DISCLAIMERS: Bad Girls and all its characters are property of Shed Productions. The author implies no ownership of these characters, and they are used in the stories without permission solely for entertainment and not for profit.

NOTE: This is my take on Helen's thought process from dinner with Thomas to standing outside with Nikki.

“I’ve been hurt before by someone who was not honest with me…but, you, Helen, you’re not even being honest with yourself.”

I cannot believe he just walked out like that. What does he mean, I’m not being honest…I’ve totally been honest with myself. I understand that I had feelings…real feelings for Nikki, for a woman…I get that…I know that I cannot rule out a relationship with a woman as a possibility in the future, but I really like Thomas…I really do…and we get on really well together.

I know I have a fear of being different, of standing out, and that I need structure in my life, but that’s not being dishonest, that’s just making a choice that I have the right to make… don’t I?

I need to get out of this restaurant…I need to think.

Walking into my house, I am unsettled. She was here not so long ago and I still feel her presence.

I can also still feel that first kiss. It was unexpected… or was it? I think I wanted her to kiss me, I just did not expect the immediate explosion of emotion and overpowering desire that stemmed from it. I felt her lips on mine…they were on fire. I felt that kiss to the depths of my being and all things were made clear in that instant… my lack of passion for Sean, or with any man I had ever been with… my fear of intimacy… It all made sense and I was terrified. So, I ran. But I can still feel her lips on mine.

“I’m not your jailer anymore…”

What purity in that kiss which I initiated. I just wanted to show her how I felt and this physical expression was the only tool I had. I knew of no other way. And I wanted her lips on mine once again. The feeling of falling, yet being held up, were both wrapped up in that kiss. Such confusion, yet such sweetness.

“Tell me you love me”

I can recall that moment with such clarity. My heart was in my throat. I’ve never felt such pain and joy at once. I wanted to fall into her arms and never leave. Of course, I loved her.

But I had a duty as well. She was a convicted criminal. She had to go through the proper channels for her appeal to succeed. Being here could have jeopardized everything…her freedom, justice, our life together.

My God, is that what I really want? A life with this woman who can so easily frustrate me. But was that frustration caused by her words or actions or by my own inner turmoil. I don’t know how to figure this out. I don’t have the ability to look within. I have always relied on my training and knowledge and things made sense. But to rely on some instinct that goes against all I’ve become comfortable with…how do I do that?

“If I didn’t feel the way I feel…”

That was the only time I was really able to talk about this new turn my life has taken. I wish I had had someone to talk to…someone other than Nikki, because we never had the kind of time together that it would have taken for me to ask all the questions I had. I had so much confusion and fear and no answers to my questions. How did other people deal with this? How do you get rid of the doubt? Maybe I would not have run so fast when the going got tough, if I had understood myself and this life I was living a little better.

“You risked a career you loved to be with her”

I told her I would risk everything to be with her after I finally told her I loved her. Why did it take me so long? Maybe because once I said those words, I could never go back to denial. But Thomas saw it clearly, more clearly than even I do now. My career defined me and made some sense out of my life. Coming to the realization that I could want a woman with such intensity, has shaken it all up for me.

So why am I sitting here and dwelling on this break-up with Thomas? Didn’t he just do me a favor? Didn’t I just get freed to love the person I’m meant to love? But, how do I do that now, after all the harsh words and recriminations and being let down and letting her down? Do I even deserve another chance? Look at how I disappointed her… all the things I said…how my fear caused me to lash out. Can I risk the possibility of being rejected? If I just leave it, this pain in my chest will go away and maybe I’ll never know. And maybe that uncertainty is all I can have. Maybe that one night was all I’m allowed because I cannot be true and honest. So I guess, Thomas was right after all. Damn him.

Tomorrow is the verdict on her appeal. I want to be there, but cannot bear to see her look away from me. I know Trish will be there. They are sure to reconcile. Nine years was a long time to be with someone and Nikki’s sure to have forgiven Trish for leaving. I have no right to be there. I left too.

And I have not been honest with myself or with her. She needs to know where I stand, if… if what? How do I tell her now that I love her, that I know that she is my destiny, that I realize that all my schoolgirl crushes on my teachers were real and not just a desire to be a strong woman like them when I grew up. I have always preferred the company of women, but I never cleared away the scales to see that I have always loved the women in my life a little too much. Like Claire. I guess I did have a crush on her at uni, and I knew she was gay, and that was no matter. I could have saved myself, and the men I dated lots of heartache, if I had realized then that I was a lesbian. Maybe I could not have handled it then though. Maybe some people are just supposed to be late bloomers. Okay, there’s some honesty… some self examination. I can do this.

“Tell me you love me”

Such an innocence and a certainty in that simple request. But, the words wouldn’t come out. I was overwhelmed by a physical attraction I had never even come close to feeling before. It took but a moment and a look into those golden eyes containing a love that was immovable and I forgot all else, except that a dream I never even knew I had was coming true. We kissed and began to undress each other and fell onto the couch. The next two hours are a blur. I know we ended up in my bed. I know we made love with such passion and tenderness and honesty that my heart breaks at the thought of never having that again. And I know that the night ended very badly. Who was I trying to protect? Myself? Or Nikki from me? She did not deserve this fear and doubt in her life. Is it doubt though, really? On some level I am so content being with her. Yet, we never had much time to share our thoughts and concerns. How do I determine that it’s real? I think I just know it is, but that the situation was so impossible that I couldn’t handle it. And she shouldn’t have to. I do love her in a way that you can only love your soul mate, your lover. Okay, that I know for sure. Is it enough?

“Nicola Wade, you are free to go”

I wish I could have been there to hear those words. But sitting in this bar in the middle of the day waiting on any news of the trial is hard enough. Knowing she’s fighting for her life breaks my heart and I’m there with her in spirit fighting just as hard. I hope it’s enough. I have not prayed much lately. My faith used to be a source of comfort, despite my father’s role in getting me to church. My faith was my own. But I find myself in silent prayer now. “Lord, let this be your will… let her be freed…let her still love me. I know you brought us together and we mucked it up all along the way, but if we get another chance, I promise I will love and cherish her forever.”

The news is on and SHE’S FREE! God, she looks beautiful! I feel my eyes brim with tears and my heart swell with pride at her words. At Nikki on her soapbox, at her abundance of love in taking a moment to let me know she forgives me.

But does she still want me? What should I do? Do I go to her now? Will she welcome me or reject me? I have to know, if I’m being honest, right?

“How did you find out I was here?”

Why am I so nervous? She’s a foot away and I’m acting like a total prat. My smile hurts, it’s so forced.

“I’d never have done it without you, Helen.”

“I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”

Finally, the right words form in my mouth. Here’s my chance, she’s invited me in.

“Nikki…”

And as I see Trisha glaring at me, I know I’m too late. She’s starting a new life with her. So I find a way to get out of the bar. I’m about to suffocate, but I keep my smile in place and say some polite words.

As the glare of the sun hits my eyes, I feel weak. Yet, I cannot make myself leave. Should I go back in and make a total fool of myself and ask for another chance? Should I stand here on the sidewalk hoping she comes after me? This can’t be it, can it?

As she flies out of the doorway, I am struck by how sexy she looks in her long coat… and I am hopeful. I get her attention. She’s polite and respectful, hesitant even, when all I want to do is grab her face and kiss those delicious lips. I have to tell her I know. I have to tell her I’m certain. I have to tell her I love her. She needs to know the doubt is gone.

“But I want a woman!”

I should say that I want her specifically, but I’m afraid of her response, so I go silent, waiting, hoping, praying. She looks away. Please, no! But when she speaks, relief floods my being. NOW, she wants to take things slowly. No way. I want all of her as fast as I can have her. Before kissing her, I say a prayer of thanks and look into her eyes, knowing I will be loved for the rest of my life and that I am free to love only her fully and honestly in return.

THE BEGINNING!

Region Free DVD Players

2008-04-15T16:01:00.003-04:00

I have discovered that all (as far as I can tell) Philips DVD players can be set to REGION FREE by following these steps:
1. Press Setup on your remote
2. Scroll to 'Preference' using the left/right arrow key
3. Press 138931 and a popup screen will appear
4. Use the arrow key and select '0'(you are now Region Free).

FanFic-Inside Job (Rated NC-17)

2008-04-15T15:57:00.008-04:00

Inside Job by late2theparty

NOTE: Complete short but sexy (meaning sex-y) fanfic about Helen & Nikki…Takes place in the middle of Season 2

Rated 18 (for adults only)

DISCLAIMERS: Bad Girls and all its characters are property of Shed Productions. The author implies no ownership of these characters, and they are used in the stories without permission solely for entertainment and not for profit.

__________________________
Nikki looked at Helen imagining her reading her “love note” in bed and blushed.

“Will you come back and see me tomorrow…same time?” she asked shyly.

“I’ll try, but with everyone still banged up, it may be difficult,” Helen answered.

“Barbara will be out making tea again, so we’ll have a moment alone.” Seeing Helen’s questioning look, she continued “don’t worry, I’m not gonna pounce on you…I just want to give you something.”

Karen Betts stepped through the door at that moment to apologize for not allowing a lifer’s meeting that day, so Helen could not inquire further. She just gave Nikki a nod and walked out. Hopefully, Karen did not notice the blush on her cheeks.

The next morning, Helen strolled onto the wing and popped her head into the PO’s office to let them know she had to give Nikki some news about her appeal.

“Where is everybody, Di?”

“Over at the officer’s club, since it’s so quiet here, having a mid-morning tea,” Di related with a wink.

“Okay, I won’t be long… oh, good morning, Barbara.”

“Morning Miss Stewart,” Babs replied.

“Take your time.” Di responded.

When Helen opened the door to Nikki’s cell, she was surprised to see the lifer propped up, yet still in bed. As she turned to close the door, she heard her say, “Stay right there. Don’t come any closer.”

Helen’s sharp intake of breath as she turned around, let Nikki know that she realized what her gift was going to be. She had one hand under the cover and one hand on her chest and her eyes locked with Helen’s as she began to move her covered hand in a rhythm, which matched Helen’s quickening heartbeat.

“Nikki!” Helen gasped. She felt faint as she watched the woman she loved touch herself. She could feel the heat rise on her cheeks…embarrassed and excited at the same time.

“Please stay there and block the door,” Nikki implored as her hand moved a bit quicker. “I want you to see what you do to me.”

Helen was frozen in place as her legs grew weak and Nikki’s breath became ragged. Nikki moved her other hand under her vest and began to circle and then squeeze an already swollen nipple. Her eyes never left Helen’s but the lids grew heavy with desire. She was having a hard time focusing, but could tell she was having a similar effect on Helen.

She quickened her tempo again and Helen had to grab the half wall to steady her self. She was completely mesmerized by the beautiful woman in front of her. “I want you,” she murmured as she began to move towards the bed.

“No… stop… risky,” Nikki mumbled with halting breath. “Please… stay there… let me look at you...” And as she said that, her body convulsed and she huskily whispered “Oh, god, Helen.” Helen just stopped and stared.

As the waves subsided, Nikki leaned forward, still watching Helen’s face, and slid a finger into herself, “I am soaking…you do that to me, you know…with just a look sometimes.”

Helen was so moved at the sight of Nikki’s flushed face and slowly thrusting hand, she was speechless. Nikki took that as a bad sign, stopped her movement, and looked near tears, as she begged, “Oh Helen, did I totally freak you out? I needed to show you how I feel... how you make me feel… I had no other way…” her voice trailed off and she lowered her eyes for the first time.

“No, Nikki, No…you misunderstand…you do the same to me, and all those things you said in your letter, I feel the same way. I want to touch you so badly right now, hold you, kiss you, but…”

Nikki leapt up, crossed the room in two strides and reached for Helen, but stopped short, unsure if she should continue. Helen grabbed her hand and moved it to her lips…kissing her palm and taking in the scent of Nikki Wade for the first time. “Oh, Nikki” she moaned, as a single tear slid down her face. “I love you.”

“I’m yours, dahlin’ don’t cry.” Nikki pulled Helen into her arms and held her tight.

“I’m just so overwhelmed, swee’heart” Helen murmured against her shoulder, “I don’t know how I can leave this room… leave you here each night… missing you… wanting you… needing you.”

“Just remember, I’m thinking of you at the same time and know that I love you with my whole being.” Nikki uncharacteristically gushed, as she cupped Helen’s chin, tilting it upwards, and leaned down to kiss her gently.

But, Helen, realizing for the first time that Nikki stood before her in just a thin vest and lace knickers, and that the PO’s were particularly lazy that day, wanted more. In one fluid movement, she spun Nikki around, pushed her against the door and slipped her hands under her top. Feeling the softness of another woman’s breasts for the first time made her feel faint again. She couldn’t believe how brazen she was being, but it felt right. She slowly moved her palms over Nikki’s erect nipples, before grabbing one between her thumb and forefinger, tugging slightly, all the while watching Nikki’s still-alarmed expression.

Gathering her senses, Nikki bent slightly at the waist and slid one hand up Helen’s skirt, quickly reaching her goal and causing Helen to jump.

“Nikki… no… stop… I don’t think I could handle that right now… I would never be able to leave… please just let me touch you, feel you... you are so beautiful.” Helen dipped her head down to take one of Nikki’s breasts in her mouth and circled her nipple with her tongue. Nikki moaned and grabbed Helen’s hand, guiding her fingers down to the lace panties. Looking into Helen’s eyes and receiving the affirmation she needed, she moved Helen’s fingers in a circular motion, pressing hard on her clit.

“I have never been so turned on in my life,” Helen whispered against Nikki’s breast, kissing her way back to Nikki’s mouth. As their tongues touched and teased, Nikki once again came with “Helen” on her lips.
-----------------------------
Helen practically stumbled out of the cell and looked around to make sure no one was watching her. She knew her face was flushed and anybody with an iota of sense would know what had just transpired. The coast was clear, but just. The PO’s were beginning to make their way back onto the wing. Fenner was sure to twig if she gave him any notice.

“Kin’ell, Stewart” she mumbled to herself as she hastily made her way back to the library to attempt to work. Thankfully, the room was empty and she could try and collect herself. What had she been thinking? Well, she hadn’t thought, of course. But she could have stopped Nikki, couldn’t she have? And did she have to attack her like that? Control over the situation was surely slipping from her grasp.

Concentration was impossible as the throbbing between her legs would not let up. She could never recall a single kiss or touch from a man that had caused such an acute and specific reaction. Just being near Nikki got her worked up. The smell of her, although tainted slightly with the odor of this place, was moving. Helen felt certain she would spontaneously combust if she were ever to be in a full on sexual situation with the tall, beautiful woman. Her heart rate quickened just at the thought of this mornings encounter and her imagination was stirred at the possibilities that loving a woman might open up.

She had had oral sex performed on her before, but in her experience, men just seemed to do it out of some sense of obligation or to show they were okay about it…not because they sincerely wanted to give you pleasure. What would it be like with Nikki? If kissing her was any indication, it would be bloody earth-shattering. That she knew.

Would she know what to do instinctively when (if?) she was ever in that situation with Nikki…where they would be able to express themselves completely? Helen’s hand had been on Nikki’s clit in her cell and although Nikki had guided her there, she knew intuitively what to do to please her. She could gauge by Nikki’s reaction just the right amount of pressure and tempo. The need to make her feel how much she loved her was overpowering at that moment and her efforts were rewarded with the huskily whispering of her own name in a voice that she would conjure in her dreams.

She reached down to touch her own breast, which Nikki had just fondled through her shirt moments ago. And she recalled the first bit of intimacy between them, when Nikki had grabbed her hand and forced Helen to touch her in the potting shed. It had frightened her to no end, but there was also a warmth that spread throughout her entire body at the touch. She called it “embarrassment” at the time, but she now knew its real name. Sexual desire. Pure and simple. Unlike anything she had ever felt before. It was so unfamiliar that she had to deny it meant anything. But as Nikki pushed and pushed, she could no longer fight her feelings and once they had kissed, well there was really no way to contain the sexual energy building between them. It had a life of its own and it grew just as steadily and strongly as the love between them did.

This was becoming too much. Helen needed to stop reliving the rendezvous. She knew her face was again flushed and she actually felt sweat forming on her back. She realized her hand was still on her blouse, so she jerked it away and began to flip through the files in front of her. But the pulsing at her center would not cease. She needed to do something. Maybe she should go home. No, she had too much to do today. She cursed herself for not wearing pants today. At least then she could have tried to quell the sensation between her legs.

She realized that she was totally alone in the library. The inmates were on cellular confinement indefinitely and she knew the piss-head screws, as Nikki loved to call them, would not come to the library unless there were women in need of watching. If she could just put some pressure where it counted. This is insane, Helen thought. But as she looked around and listened for any tell tale footsteps, she slipped her hand under the waistband of her skirt and into her knickers. At first she just placed her fingertips on her throbbing clit to relieve the pressure. She sat that way for several minutes but, as she again recalled the mornings tryst, she began to move in a slow but steady motion dipping her hand further to wet her fingertips. She closed her eyes and imagined that it was Nikki’s hand moving at a quicker pace, increasing the pressure. She longed to look into those soulful eyes for the love they held and for the reassurance she needed. As the feelings intensified, she realized she was close to her much needed release. But then she heard voices and footsteps in the hall. She quickened her pace and held her breath as the footsteps got closer. The thought of Nikki whispering her name sent her over the edge and she came hard, just as the door opened. Through a veil of emotion, she realized that it was Nikki coming through the doorway, but that she had stopped suddenly and backed out of the room, turning and glancing down the hall to slow anyone else’s progress.

Helen, crimson with embarrassment, yanked her hand up and quickly composed herself, as Nikki again turned to walk into the library. Helen would not meet her eyes and got up to leave, as other women filed in.

“May I have a word, Miss Stewart? In private?” Nikki asked, feigning innocence.

“Not now!”

“Please, it will take but a moment.”

“Fine… follow me.”

As they closed the art room door, Helen turned and wailed, “Oh, my god... I’ve gone totally mad.”

“No, you’re just horny,” Nikki teased and pulled the fiery Scot into her arms.

“Nikki, it’s not funny. I’ve never done anything like that in my life. Why and how are you here?” Helen moaned with her arms held up between the two women.

“Some of us were let out for good behavior. You bring that out in me and it seems I bring out the adventurer in you. Now, tell me. What were you thinking when I, er, interrupted you?” Nikki inquired mischievously, as she grabbed Helen’s hand and placed her middle fingers in her mouth. Helen watched the motion paralyzed, as Nikki groaned with pleasure at the taste.

Pulling her hand back, Helen protested weakly, “You didn’t interrupt anything, thank you very much.”

“Oh, didn’t I?” Nikki smiled confidently.

“No, I was quite finished with the business at hand,” she answered and turned and walked out of the room.

-----------------------------------
Nikki stood in the art room, stunned that Helen had just walked out. Then the amazement turned to frustration. She always did that, she thought. It was her way of retaining control of… of their…of their what? You couldn’t really call this a relationship, could you? Damn that Helen Stewart! She could infuriate her at times. And she did have the upper hand didn’t she? She could walk away at any moment, go home to her flat, stay away totally, if she wanted. Nikki could make none of those same choices.

Yet, as she left the room, she smiled knowingly, certain in the knowledge that neither of them had had control over this situation almost from day one. And she knew that Helen Stewart could no sooner stay away from her than Nikki could stop wanting her there. They were two independent life forces moving in the same direction with the same goal with no way of slowing down or even speeding up the process; and no way of communicating the fact that they were, in fact, in sync. This overwhelming and life-enhancing love they felt, and the intense physical attraction that was becoming all too apparent, had a life of its own, and only needed their individual egos to get out of the way for it to flourish. This was their burden. At times they could read each other so effortlessly, sometimes with just a look, but then the insidious doubt would creep in, neither able to accept or even believe that soulmates really existed. And neither of them was willing to completely open up to that possibility, both wanting to protect themselves from their own emotions.

Maybe that’s what worked her up the most. That, just like everything else in this god-forsaken place, she had no control over her feelings for this woman who so totally completed her very existence. She did not want to feel or need or want this much. It was too dangerous on so many levels. If the affair were discovered by her fellow cons or by the screws, physical harm to Nikki would result. Helen’s career would be over, as well. But it was the fear of rejection and abandonment that presented the most clear and present danger to Nikki, if she was honest with herself. She did not want to feel this vulnerable in these circumstances, but here she was…totally in love with the most unlikely person imaginable. And, since this morning, she was finally convinced that the feelings were truly mutual. Yet, she knew Helen’s feelings were tainted with confusion and a different type of fear…fear of the unknown… fear of being different. These were fears Nikki could not help her with. She had her own demons to battle and right now, her raging hormones were at the top of the list.

As she strolled towards the garden with clouds threatening rain overhead, she contemplated the sensibility of their respective actions that morning and laughed mirthlessly. They HAD both gone insane. She could admit that, but Helen would surely not put herself in that position again. She would keep her emotions in check to prevent another such incident. Nikki was certain of that and it made her feel very alone… and very sad. Nikki Wade did not do “sad” well. She was much more comfortable with anger, so she cloaked herself in the familiar emotion as she approached the door to the potting shed, ready to get her hands dirty and find a release from her pent-up frustration.

“Nikki, you’ll have to come back in. It’s about to storm,” Di Barker yelled from the gate.

“But, Miss, I really have to get the bulbs that were delivered a few days ago into some pots or they’ll never survive,” she called back, hoping the woman could not hear the tension in her voice. She really needed to be alone. “I can get it all done inside the shed. It won’t take more than an hour and you can come back and get me then, when the rain has stopped”

Di Barker looked skeptical, but she knew the women had been cooped up for far too long since Renee Williams’s death and decided to let Nikki get her work completed. “Well, alright. I’ll be back in an hour.”

Nikki gave a thumbs-up in acknowledgement and mumbled to Di’s retreating back, “thanks, you nutter” as large drops began to fall. She stood at the door for a few moments letting the rain soak her in the hopes that it would extinguish the burning within. The morning was taking its toll on her nerves and she sorely wished she could learn restraint when it came to Helen-bloody-Stewart. She yanked the door open, taking all of her anxiety out on the hinges.

“It took you long enough,” came the familiar Scottish pitch. Helen had whispered the words in such a low tone that Nikki believed she had imagined them, until she saw the smile that lit up her world. And her heart skipped a beat.

“What are you doing here?” she asked incredulously, letting the door close behind her, but not making any attempt to move further into the enclosed space.

“I thought we had some unfinished business,” Helen simply stated as her eyes locked with Nikki’s.

“No, you were quite clear that all was taken care of when you, once again, walked away from me,” Nikki replied testily, trying to stay calm, trying to stay away. “We have nothing left to, um, discuss.”

She watched as Helen licked her lips and moved her eyes down to a very wet and very transparent white tee shirt. Nikki mumbled “traitors” as she too looked down at her erect nipples. When she looked up, Helen’s eyes shone with ill-disguised desire. She turned towards the door and Helen begged, “please…” but stopped as she realized Nikki was fashioning a lock of sorts.

Then it took just two strides for Nikki to reach her and as she did, her mouth came down hard on Helen’s, kissing her with all the passion and all the vexation caused by their mutual ability to completely understand the other yet at the same time create doubt in the realization.

As the storm raged inside and out, Helen’s arms went around Nikki’s lower back and she pulled her closer. Their kiss deepened, as their tongues danced together and their hands began to fumble under and around clothes. Helen had her hands under the wet shirt, undoing Nikki’s bra, while Nikki’s hands slid under and up the back of Helen’s skirt, hiking it up and grabbing both cheeks. Releasing her, she brought her hands around front, pulled Helen’s shirt up and yanked her bra above her breasts. She reached a hand for one breast and bent down to take the other nipple into her mouth. She circled it with her tongue before sucking hard. Helen cried out as she ran her hands through Nikki’s hair holding her head in place.

Nikki positioned herself so that she straddled Helen’s leg. A low groan escaped from Helen’s throat, as Nikki ground her hipbone into the younger woman’s center while simultaneously thrusting her own pelvis onto Helen’s upper thigh. The continuous friction caused them both to shudder and look into each other’s eyes. The shared intimacy was overwhelming and tears formed in Nikki’s eyes, as she felt their love emanating from every pore.

Helen then focused on the front of Nikki’s shirt and took both breasts in her hands, kneading them and squeezing her nipples. “You have the most beautiful body,” she whispered reverently. As she said this, her hands moved down Nikki’s sides and began to push the green cover-alls down her hips, until they were mid-thigh. “I never knew a woman’s body could cause me such excitement,” she continued as her hands followed the contours of Nikki’s waist and hipbones stopping at the waistband of her knickers.

Nikki watched intently as the woman she loved explored her body with a look of wonderment. She realized she wasn’t breathing and inhaled loudly at the same moment that Helen dipped a hand lower and firmer. Regaining her senses, Nikki quickly moved her own hand into place adding much needed pressure to Helen’s throbbing clit. As Helen’s eyes glazed over and she moaned, Nikki gently thrust two fingers inside, while rubbing the swollen knob with her thumb. At the same moment, they each reached for the other’s breast and began to massage with their free hand. As they stimulated each other this way, their eyes locked, and the only sounds were of the rain pounding on the roof and their ragged breaths. Helen came with such force that her knees nearly buckled and she cried out, but she kept the rhythmic pressure on Nikki, until she too found release.

“I want you inside me,” Nikki huskily whispered into her ear. Helen’s breath caught, but she confidently moved her hand lower, positioning two fingers just as she’d felt Nikki do a few moments earlier, and entered her slowly. She moved her hand steadily in and out, as Nikki’s hips moved towards her, quickening the pace in step with verbal prodding. She felt internal muscles tighten around her fingers and then release as she heard Nikki throatily moan, “Ohhhh… Helen… love.”

It was the most intimate experience of Helen’s life and she was so moved that tears poured down her cheeks unchecked. Words were not necessary as they listened to the other’s slowing heartbeat. They stood holding each other for a long time, before Nikki finally said, “you’d better go.”

Helen reached up to stroke her cheek and gently kissed her before saying, “I never want to leave you again. But, Nikki, swee’heart, I’m sorry… you know that this can’t happen again, not while you’re still in here. It’s too much, too dangerous.”

“Yeah sure, I know that. But, whenever it rains, think of me, will you?” Nikki breathed into her mouth, with a loving smile.

“Oh, I’ll be doing more than thinking of you.” Helen laughed softly with her tongue tucked behind her teeth. Rearranging her clothes and with one last wistful look at her lover, she walked out into the rain.

THE END.

Introduction & Guide

2008-04-03T13:20:00.005-04:00

I have just discovered Bad Girls...yes, I have been living under a rock... but I am now addicted, as are so many people. I ordered the first series (fyi: I will use UK terminology when I can, out of respect for the creators) from Netflix in January 2008 and watched 3-4 episodes per week for 3 weeks and then I was stuck.

So I did what we have all done and I googled the show, and oh, what a treat...so much info and so little time. And yes, I spoiled series 2 and 3 for myself by looking at YouTube videos. I do regret that, so if you have not done so, I think the 39 episodes of the first three series should be watched prior to watching any fan videos or reading any fan fiction.

I do recommend episode recaps though, since sometimes we can't understand some of the thicker accents and/or we miss the subtleties which are rampant (and for which I am thankful). Unlike lots of American TV, the creators at Shed assume we are intelligent enough to not need everything spelled out for us. It's all the little things that you must assume or read into the dialogue that are so refreshing. Anyway, I have found three sources for episode recaps that are really great. They are http://www.badgirlsannex.com , http://theagonyandtheirony.blogspot.com/ and http://www.afterellen.com/taxonomy/term/58?page=3 in that order.

On with my journey... I then ordered the first series from amazon.com and the next two series from amazon.co.uk and then learned about DVD region coding. Before I sent them back, I emailed customer service and they informed me that I could watch them on my MacBook Pro (however, if you watch DVDs often on your Mac, you can only change the region codes 5 times, so after the 5th time, you are stuck only being able to play the last region's DVDs...fortunately, I don't use my Mac as a DVD player very often, so I was able to not make any changes yet). In the meantime, I proceeded to buy all of the first 4 series from iTunes. I don't know if there's any difference in the iTunes versions versus the DVD's, other than all the extra stuff you get on the DVDs (outtakes, deleted scenes, photos, and cast interviews, all of which are great fun).

I have now watched all three series twice... once on my own, and the second time with my partner. She had not started watching with me from the beginning the first time, so I would not let her jump in in the middle. I'm bossy that way. But really, I just wanted her to experience it all in the right order or it would not resonate as well. Case in point...LOGO has been airing Bad Girls for almost two years now, so I would stumble upon episodes from time to time, but never could get into the show (and lots of my friends have said the same thing). In fact I watched bits and pieces of S2Ep13 (Oh What a Night) which, as those who have seen it know, is a pivotal show. I stumbled upon the doorway scene and a bit of what follows (I'm not gonna spoil anything here, if I can help it), and not only was I not interested, but I did not find the two characters involved THAT attractive...crazy, huh!? But, it's that slow and steady development of so many of the characters, not just the ones that the lesbian community have embraced, that make you fall in love with them and the show as a whole.

Anyway, my partner was hooked on that second go-round too. And after she watched all of it, I showed her some of the OWH videos (http://www.helenandnikki.com/favorite.html) that really pulled it all together. I recommend doing that to.

We have just begun to watch Series 4 and I have ordered all of the rest of the DVDs (4-8) from amazon.co.uk. We are enjoying it, but to be honest, I discovered that I am less addicted to Bad Girls per se, but rather to the Helen and Nikki storyline. It's an incredible love story and so well-written, performed, and presented all around. I know that's been discussed so much. As I said, I'm a bit late to the party. So, anyway, I am currently in a state of grief from withdrawal. I really got so involved in the N&H story that I truly miss the characters. So I figured I'd start this blog to put it all out there.

Ultimately, I'll have some fan fiction and episode comments (not full recaps, because I think the three sites I mentioned do it so well). So, stay tuned and I hope whoever finds this enjoys it.